The Peanuts of Agincourt and Other Stories by William Daniel McCumiskey

"I`ll be glad when it`s all in!"

Only in Newcastle would an old woman flump down with arms full of carrier bags, turn to me, a complete stranger and say

"I`ll be glad when it`s all in!"

And probably, because I was born in Newcastle, I know exactly what she means. The Christmas greed-fest is here. We are all brainwashed by advertisers to believe that we are not a true friend, mother, sister etc if we don`t lavish money and gifts to capacity on everyone we know.

As I listen to other folks on the bus, the conversation ranges from

"I hate it when you send all of your cards and then you get one from somebody who you`ve forgotten to send one to." or

"We haven`t got the tree out yet, have you?" or

"I`m just giving them all vouchers this year." or

"I`m not wasting so much food this year."

There`s something good about people chatting to eachother about nothing in particular, the holidays are nearly here. But, as I listen to all of this, I am aware that I haven`t got my tree up yet, there is a box in the kitchen with cards, I can`t remember their surname, address, partners name etc. and I will probably buy too much food.

Went to a 60`s night at Central Library, I love the whole regurgitating of memories indulgence. When mam bought one of those red tomato shaped sauce bottles with the green stalk bit where the sauce came out, spinning top fag ash tins, Scholl sandals, cider, Emergency Ward Ten. Going to the Majestic with a pal. We liked perfume by Picot,she wore Pagan and I preferred Suede. In a hurry to get to the dance floor, rooting around in her bag, finding the bottle, she slashed her perfume around her neck only to discover that it was her black eye liner. Working as a telephonist for G.P.O Telephones. On directory enquiries, I answered a query with

"I`m sorry sir, we don`t have a W Robinson for that address.Are you sure that the initial is W for William?"

The caller replied

"No, it`s W for Wobert."

More seasoned operators were well used to the nuisance calls and dealt with them accordingly. We learned alot from these women.

Caller "My willy is 9 inches long."
Operator "Is that all? I`ve left a bigger one at home."

Caller "What colour are your knickers?"
Operator "I`m not wearing any."

The best laugh I had working there was when a man asked for a reversed charge call to Edmundbyers. I asked the lady at the other end

Me "I have a call from Edmundbyers, will you accept the charge?"

Lady "Yes."

Man "Hello."

Lady "Hello Edmund."

Man "You stupid cow, that`s the village I`m calling from."

Memories are made of this.



"

Lorna Windham (BBC My Story)

The Reds Music

As I Wander in Peaceful Thought by Stephen Leonard

As I Wander In Peaceful Thought

by Stephen Leonard





The poems in this book have a variety of different themes from Philosophy, Nature, a comment on Able Bodied Peoples attitude to the plight of the Disabled, an exercise in Form, an exercise in rhyme, imagination, Alliteration and a Haiku.






Stephen Leonard was born in 1951 with Cerebral Palsy. He has been writing poetry for many years and this is his first published collection. All of the poems are accompanied by illustrations. All proceeds of the book go to charity.




The book is being launched at the Disability Support Group North East, Bodlewell House, High Street East, Sunderland. Wednesday, 2nd December at 2 o'clock.

Geordie Night/Barn Dance

This is one night not to be missed. Gary Hogg, author and performer is back with his band.

Geordie Night/Barn Dance
Songs, music, recitations and dancing

7.30pm, Thursday 17th December, Terrace Club, Seaton Delaval.

With Johnny Handle & Tom McConville
Bandleader -Robert Whitehead with Dave Ashbridge, Colin Pearson, Gary Hogg, Lucy Falkenau - and Peter Desmond calling the dances.

Tickets £6 from me (01670 361953)
Tickets will be available online from Monday at www.garyhogg.co.uk

Strictly Tickets Only - no admission on the night.

All of a Tangle

Can`t believe some of the things I`ve seen on T.V. this week, someone paid £38 for a slice of Andrew and Fergie`s wedding cake on Flog It, a person attempted to smuggle 1,000 spiders through airport control, pity the poor sod who opened the case!!

The Benwell Reunion was brilliant. As I took over from Husband D`s cousin L, I decided to ask everyone to bring one item of food with them so that we could share. Wasn`t expecting much, but put two trellis tables out, we needed three. Also lots of people donated raffle prizes. We have enough money to pay for hiring the Fire Station again next year and for some costumes and hats. Must have Halloween next year again, loved some of the spooky dresses.

Saw Carol Ann Duffy in the King`s Hall, love her writing, my favourite is Last Post. I haven`t written poems for ages,but very interested in the Journey`s Home project. Also have been really busy with recording memories and scanning photos for my next book on Elswick.

On Friday November 6th I was invited to the official opening of the new Central Library.The Queen and Duke of Edinburgh did the honours. She is a very warm and playful person, she put us at our ease, even when we all bobbed at different beats, we looked like a set of those Fisher Price wooden people that kids bat with a hammer. She asked us about the book we were reading. There were musicians who played Water of Tyne and a group of singers who sounded lovely. The buffet was fab and we all had a couple of glasses of wine.

My book is fresh off the press and available in Fenwick, Discovery Museum, Robinson`s in Grainger Market, Mr Brandrres Newsagents and Benwell Post Office. Sales are going well. The launch was well attended at the Carnegie Building and I was well chuffed that Des Walton spoke about local history and his involvement with the West Newcastle Picture History Group.

Spent the morning at St James Church Hall, I love this building and although I`m not religious I believe that we should help to preserve our heritage. We covered the walls in the hall with white paper, hung fabrics and cut holly from the graveyard for decoration. Next week we will put on crafts sessions, slide shows and food. Hope it attracts some folks.

Went to the knitting club at the Tyneside Cinema, haven`t been for a while. I still have a baby jumper on the needles. There are no babies to knit for, but I didn`t want to sicken myself too early by attempting an adult version. However, once I got up to decreasing at the armhole, I couldn`t concentrate. After a couple of wines and good conversation I was dropping stitches. So this time I am knitting a scarf, nothing simpler, going back and forwards with nothing mathematical involved. I did buy one of those dolly bobbins with four nails on the top which, in theory, your supposed to wond wool around, pull the loops over and a cord of knitting appears through the hole at the bottom. I couldn`t get to first base as husband D took it from me.

D "I know how to do this."
(Pal Irene called around and tried to take it from him.)
I "Give it here, you`re pulling it too tight"
D "No I`m not,give ower."
I "Look, what did I tell you...he`s snapped the stick!!"
(D had clipped the point from the wooden tool)
I "Piss off and give it here, Y, have you got a cocktail stick?"
(D beats her to it to fetch a cocktail stick and snaps that too)
I "Bloody useless!"

We all have a try, but it is pulled out half a dozen times and we all give up. Nancy rings and I tell her about our efforts.

N "Meet me tomorrow outside the Fairholm Club and I`ll take you to Benwell Hall crafts group.

I learn how to do the peg knitting and someone else shows me how to crochet, I leave with a ball of green wool and a wonky square. It`s a start. For twenty pence I get a cup of tea, a piece of fruit cake and a shortbread biscuit.

Back home Irene calls round again and I show her my crochet square, minus a hook, which I had borrowed at the club. She tells D

I "Right, you give me a lift round home and I`ll give you a crochet hook."
I pick the hook up ready to continue with my masterpiece and promptly drop it between the cushions of the chair. As they are not removable cushions, it`s gone forever, right into the bowels of the chair. Well I tried!!!!

Parrot Power

After two weeks of the horrible lurgy cold which every other person I speak to is suffering from, I`m at last feeling a little more human again. Our parrot has copied my guffawing sounds, but it`s not my fault that he is now asking "Where are the controls?" I can`t take the blame for that as I hardly watch TV, except for Mock the Week and a couple of other favourites. D will watch anything, gets withdrawal symptoms if there is nothing on he likes and will trawl up and down the channels until he does find something and if I suggest maybe just turning the set off he just about takes to his bed.

I`ve managed to fill in an application form for a new job, did my first slide show for around 200 people, a puppet show and drawing activities with a group of kids at the library. Going to be involved in a project by Richard Bliss called Journeys Home which will result in a short film to be screened in the old Miner`s Institute building in town. It will be a mix of poems, stories, singing and music. Also Tyneside Associated Drama are staging a short film, I`m probably chosing to do a monologue for that.



I`m quite keen on writing monologues at the moment and poetry has been given the elbow for the time being. But my obsession with writing books, note pads and stickits is driving me mad. I have so many things on the go at the moment and trying to put them in order is a nightmare. Went into Stationery Box and noticed 5 folders, buy one pack get one free. So now I have 10 more folders which I have split various writing projects into. Now I find myself scratting around for one and wading through all of this crap to find the one I need. I watched Sky Arts, The Book Show, an author who was ambling through her 17th century home which looked out onto a stream and ancient trees. She wandered into her study which was got up with wall height book cases, computer desk fitted around two walls and LOADS OF SPACE. However in my rabbit hutch house I have things stuffed under a coffee table and dozens of those jute bags stuffed to capapcity. I`m going mad. It doesn`t help that eldest son G has moved house, but left bags of stuff and a wardrobe full of clothing that he "hasn`t got space for." so he craps our gaff up.

This morning, as I was feeling a little better, I gathered all of G`s stuff up into bin liners and intend dropping them off at his place before the weekend. I have a Benwell reunion this Saturday to go to and friend K is here from Suffolk and will be staying with us. P & B are home too and will be at ours also. G has left a home fitness contraption with weights on the back in our spare room and has promised to take it away, but it doesn`t look like it`s going anywhere fast either!!

Halloween falls on the reunion this year so I have white table cloths to put out with black lace over the top, spookily decorated paper plates and bowls, a couple of green bowls with spider motifs etc. I`ve laminated lots of old photos and scenes from the old area where we were brought up. I`ll get down to the venue earlier to put them on the walls. Some people are getting dressed up, so needless to say I`ll be there with the camera. Watch this space.

Benwell Remembered

A two page spread in the Evening Chronicle for my book. Photos of the old buildings, Victory Tea Party, Clara Street, Jimmy Forsyth and Peace Tea. I`m really pleased with the way it has been done. They mentioned our Benwell Reunion, so hopefully we`ll see more old faces. Both me and Andrew, the publisher have been busy dishing out fliers to promote the launch.

D came in from work and settled down in the chair to read the Chronicle. He kicked his shoes off to relax. Chico was duck toeing around the floor and pecked his big toe. D nearly jumped out of his skin. Usually if Chico is being destructive we shout Hey. So he drops himself in each time he has a go at the curtains he`s chirping Hey, hey, so we know that he`s up to something. Is he learning something else?

D watches Britains Best Dish where cooks compete for best starter, main course and pudding. Jilly Goolden says that she is anyones for a square of chocolate.

D "I`d rather have the chocolate!"

I have a streaming cold and have three meetings lined up with a possible chance of a job. Dozing myself up with endless glasses of water, hot lemon and honey, overdozing on pastilles that taste like creosote. I`m anyone`s who can find a cure for the common cold.

Jessica Johnson (Director/Actor)

National Poetry Day (Week)

Gerard Rudolph read from his new book Orphaned Latitudes to a packed crowd at Gallery North at University of Northumbria. He was supported by other fine poets. His work is able to conjure up the images of the places he speaks of. Published by Squirrel Press "This is a mature and complex autobiographical work full of music, movement and with a flawless sense of sound and drama." His wife looked stunning. Everything was great, but I heard that some random woman berated him for the use of one word Fuck, in the text. Get a life, didn`t you listen to the beautiful words, didn`t you listen to anything else? It`s fortunate that we can disregard the opinions of those that matter little to us. But all the same, to spoil a fabulous night is so uncalled for.

Just joined Tyneside Associated Drama Group. I think I`ll receive support and inspiration here. It`s going to be really informal and will meet every week at 2.00 which suits me fine as I`ll still be able to work in the photo group.

Managed to get a ticket to see the fabulously funny Craig Bradley. I`ve seen him before taking a group of kids for rap sessions when I`ve been in Benwell Library. He usually does workshops with primary aged children. But a group of adults had the good fortune to listen to him. He`s big on audience participation which had us in stitches. And don`t think that if you sit at the back you`ll be exempt. I had to buy the book Dancin George, hilarious.

Pink Lane held another fabulous event, Heroes and Heroines on Thursday 8th October for National Poetry Day. I read a short story and two poems. Ira Lightman (aka Peter Cook reincarnated) was amazing as usual. Props were a computer and perspex umbrella accompanied by his resonant words. Viv Wiggins gets better each time I hear her and she really got into the theme by dressing as Wonderwoman. Catherine Graham and Degna Stone performed great sets. Richard Hardwick read another great set with music from Simon on his hang drum supporting the words.





Also went to the book launch of Martin Bell. He spoke of Iraq, Afghanistan and the scandal of politicians dipping into the coffers. He wore his trademark white suit. The place was packed, he can certainly entertain, he should be on Live at the Apollo.

Fred and I went to a local school to give out some local history packs that have been compiled especially for schools. So only 26 left to go. Fred spoke for 5 minutes to the assembly on the buildings in the area and their history and I spoke of my memories from school.

On Saturday attended a meeting,at St Mary`s Heritage Centre in Gateshead.

"To look at key challenges for promoting and supporting spoken word and live literature in the region."

Spoken Word Forum co-ordinated by Claire Morgan of Apples and Snakes and Monkfish Productions.Jeff Price represented Ten by Ten, Robbie Hurst for Pink Lane, Sheila Naughton from City Libraries and Christine from the Arts Council. There were other supporters who are keen to suggest ideas to support performers in the northern region by offering venues, equipment loan and advertising.
Claire will keep us posted.

And so ends a very productive National Poetry Day and Week.

It`s My Life (Tyne Bridge Publishing)

Around ten months ago I noticed an ad in a local paper. To commemorate the opening of the new library in town, they were asking for memories of the 60`s. I sent in a piece of around 500 words, then thought no more about it. I was chuffed to receive an e mail invitation to the launch event which began with the words "Dear Contributor." The book is very well put together and a thoroughly good read.

I really enjoyed the Tyne Bridge Publishing book launch of "It`s My Life." Guest speakers and contributors, John Steel from The Animals (The first record I bought was House of the Rising Sun) and Ray Laidlaw from Lindisfarne. They both gave amusing accounts of their bands and the times. A constant slide show of images from the book and popular music played, there was wine, olives and nibbles. I met some great people and caught up with others, Annie Moir was there. She has had success with her poetry book Prague Soup.






Had a great night at the Lamplight Centre at Stanley. Steve Urwin organises spoken word events and slams here. A really good mix of styles in a friendly and supportive atmosphere. Will be going here again.

I`m going off on one, sorry!! Regarding shit shuvelers!

Last week I looked out from my window to see a couple with a dog.They were meandering around the field in front of my house. She had a carrier bag in her hand. Pretending that she was a considerate pet owner. She watched her shit machine crap on the grass, did a couple of corkscrew movements to check that no one was watching, then walked off with her unused carrier bag!!

Today, on my way to the bus stop I walked past a dog dropping all neatly tied up in an orange nappy sack. Is this pet owner any better than the first. Actually picking it up, again pretending to give a shit about their environment, then "Oh, oops, I`ve dropped it by MISTAKE. Ah well, I didn`t really have any intentions of putting it in my own wheely bin." So, now, some poor sod on his way home from the pub will go his length on a plastic covered plod. But, am I any better.....I should have shouted at the first couple? Or should I have been a responsible, green, environmentally friendly citizen and put it in my own bin? Sorry about that, but now that`s done, back to civilised conversing.


Thursday at 6.00 p.m. at Central Library, Craig Bradley (That Poetry Bloke) will be entertaining to celebrate National Poetry Day. Then I`ll be dashing down to the Jazz Cafe` for Pink Lane Performance. I`m reading a couple of poems and a short, short story.

Pink Lane Performance at the Jazz Cafe` on Thursday 8th, great place to be.

Benwell Remembered

I`m well chuffed with the cover of my book. The launch will be on Monday 2nd November at the old Carnegie Building on Atkinson Road at 11.00 a.m.

Spider in the Bath

The guided tour bus event went well. I took three tours around Benwell, Elswick and Scotswood Road. Had them all singing the Blaydon Races and peppered the talk with comic accounts in with the factual stuff. Back at the centre they had all Marksies food and wine, storytelling by the great Chris Bostock and I read a few of my dialect poems, it was a brilliant day. There were Wii games for the kids, bouncy castle and face painting. Reminded me of the old playscheme days I used to run with pal Irene.

I know that I did say I wouldn`t be going to the vintage car show, but I went anyway. It was ok at first, some really beautiful old cars and lots of buses. On the second time around I noticed half a dozen men drooling over some curver boxes full of photographs of old buses. "Ooooo, look at this one...I`m having this." I wanted to shout out "GO AWAY AND DO SOMETHING ELSE!!" There were stands holding cd`s of buses, stands with DVD`s of buses, bus annuals, busmen`s ticket machines and toy dinky buses. As I looked around me I was beginning to fear that I had wandered into the pen of the Village of the Damned...Buses" I continually overheard snippets of conversations about crank shafts and fly wheels and how they had stripped the car down and built it back up again, why please? Wanted to scream HELP ME when D stopped to listen to how some bloke or other had trawled their contraptions over half of Europe, no doubt at 20 miles per hour. There were no seats anywhere for me to opt out. On our sixth trawl, I finally snapped

Y "Right, I`ve had enough are we going now?"
D "Aye, that`s it, just when I`m enjoying myself. I have to go to places that I can`t stand with you, like art galleries and museums."
Y "Yes, and you tell me "Right, that`s it I`ve had enough of fossily places. I can look at a painting, and pass on to the next, why are you going around and around, can`t you see enough on the first lap?"
D "Well, not really, I`m thinking of buying one."

We did finally get to eat our sandwiches and have a coffee from the flask near the sea.

Decided to go for a run into Durham the next day. On the way down the motorway we passed the exit. When I asked why, D said that we probably wouldn`t get a parking space in there so we`d be better off going further down. Darlington. On the way there he spies a vintage car company which just happened to have a 1924 Singer for sale on the forecourt.

Y "You planned this didn`t you?"
D "No, honest."

We make it to Darlington, haven`t been here for years, but it really is a nice little town, love some of the old buildings. Needless to say D wanted to call at this vintage place again on the way back...and did buy it. The owner offered to deliver it by trailer. It is a lovely motor, I found myself more interested in the folder that came with it listing the history of previous owners. A friend rang me

Y "You`ll never guess what he`s got now...a vintage car."
I (Shouts through to husband M "D`s got a vintage car."
Y "And do you know where he is now....away to the shop for polish."

There has been a resident spider in our bathroom for a week or so. I don`t really like them, but as he only had 5 and a half legs I took pity on him. I just had to make sure I knew where he was, in case of being stuck on the toilet to find he was right near me and I couldn`t run away. Mostly he has been swinging around near the ceiling. This morning he was in the bath, as I wanted to take a shower I sought out my spider catcher, didn`t want to boil him alive. But, as I placed the pyramid shaped contraption over him, then slid the door along, he took a tumble and was wedged in the door. He still wriggled about as I transferred him to the windowsill. Then he sort of crumpled up. At first I thought he was playing dead. I left the house at 8.30 and returned at 3.15, he was still there, so I can say that he is dead. Felt really guilty. Spider murderer. We have some really huge buggers that scuttle in from the field, so big you can see the hairs on their legs. They have no trouble in the catcher, so big there is nowhere to fall. It`s good for me that I don`t believe in reincarnation, It could have been my great grandfather that I squished?

Go As You Please

Love this shop display, this is something that really appeals to me, I`d have pictures of Benwell in the 50`s all over mine. Just like the owld buildings I`d be dust.


Small Faces, what a blast from the past.




I was fifteen when this group were about, we all went to see them at the Majestic which later became a Bingo Hall. Just as well really, I remember people used to chuck chairs from the balcony onto the dance floor. Happy days, no drugs, just violence. There were purple hearts, but we never took them, we`d heard of people who did, imagined that they were Batman and "flew" out of the window. One lad hid in the corner thinking he was food, scared to move in case anyone ate him, how sad is that.


Just completed seven pages of text to go with the local history bus tour I`m speaking on. It will be great practise for me and has been interesting to learn more about the area.

D is going to a vintage car rally tomorrow at Seaburn. Don`t think I`ll go, it`s not long since we went to one at Beamish.

Was at the Let`s all laugh at the BNP on Friday at the Cluny, it was a great show, and the acts were brilliant.

Egypt Cottage is about to close along with Tyne Tees Tv, it seems ages ago since my brother worked in the TV building as a graphic designer, he can`t believe that it is being pulled down. We called in there for a drink late on Friday and met some great people. The owner is now looking for new premises.

1st Episode of Yogi Bear Show

I remember this show so well, first went out in 1961, I was nine years old. After watching, all I ever drew for months were Yogi bears in all different sizes, poses colours. Then when my kids were growing up, it was Button Moon, Trap Door and Grot Bags. How time flies, I wonder what my grand children will watch, when I get grand children.

Dreams can come True

In all the time we`ve been together,38 years, I can say that my husband has never once said to me "Last night I dreamt that........" So when, at breakfast he started his sentence with these words, my mouth dropped. It was the equivalent to someone walking in with flowers after 38 years of never having bought any. I was all ears.

D " I dreamt that I had a bear suit, it was really tatty. I took it to an antique shop and the owner said "What a fine suit, it`s just what we are looking for, I`ll give you £600. He turned it inside out and it was a lovely golden colour. I said that it didn`t belong to me really and that I would have to ask my brother if he would sell. So, I left the suit with the man and went all around town shouting for my Brother (He hasn`t a brother as a point of interest) But I couldn`t find him, then I noticed that it was nearly five o`clock, the shop would be shutting and I might not get the suit back. Just then, the alarm went off so I got up to get ready for work."

Roughly translated I would say that as our son has moved out D is wondering if he has done off with any of our possessions. Son G had a habit of rifling through things in the loft when he was at home, then selling his brother`s things on e-bay. I also asked around my friends if their husbands ever told them of dreams,only one could claim yes.

We invited G and E round for Sunday lunch.

G "What are you cooking?"
D "Beef"
G "Can you get duck as well, it would be nice?"
D "I daresay it would, but I`ve already paid £15 for beef, so no chance."

D came home after work, I was out, a spicy aroma was in the air, so he looked in the pedal bin. There were two Thai curry boxes in there, one was melted beyond recognition. We received a phone call from G

G "Have you been buying a new microwave?"
D "Yes, the old one packed in. By the way were you round here eating Thai curry?"
G "Yes, and I didn`t know how to use the new microwave, it melted the first meal, so I had to put another one in there."
D "Correct me if I`m wrong, but didn`t you move out?"
G "You`ll have to show me how to set it when I next call around."
D "Not unless you`re planning to cook us anything in it!"

D said that G reminds him of Shirley Valentine`s daughter.

Came back from town about 6ish, two blokes walking towards me to board the bus, talking about Man United, as they passed they damned near burned the back of my throat with the whiff of their after shave.

D was rubbing his leg

D "I had a trapped nerve and it went solid."
Y "You`re supposed to stand on your tip toes, it helps."
D "I tried that and it didn`t work."
Y "You should try giving birth, when contractions start the stomach hardens like concrete."

It all seems so long ago, my kids are 30 and 32 now.

Left work on Friday,went to the Corner House for a meal and a drink at the end of the shift. They nominated me to order the meals, saying that it would be my last task. I wrote down the order on a piece of paper. When I came back, they were all wearing turbans, in honour of Florrie, the character I use when working on memory sessions and for certain entertainment venues. Really going to miss the lasses, but at last I`ll have more time to write, take photos and become more involved with the heritage department of the library. Never thought I`d see the day, kids flown the coup and me with time on my hands, ahh, this has got to be a dream come true and not a bear in sight.

What a difference six days make

Des Walton has created a scrapbook of Jimmy Forsyth press cuttings. At 89, he is still very much involved in the history of Jimmy on Tyneside. He loaned me a brilliant video No Fancy Shades which shows how Jimmy wandered around the Elswick, Scotswood area from 1954 taking photos with a box Brownie camera.

On Wednesday son G moved into his new home with girlfriend E,ahhhhhhhhhh. However, I woke up on numerous occasions on Wed night, on my way to the bathroom glancing in the direction of the empty room. Must admit, It did feel strange not to have him at home. I`d developed a habit of looking at the foot of the stairs where he always kicked his shoes off, then I knew he was in safe. On Thursday on our way home from work, a call from G on the mobile

"Dad, can you call around with your lawn mower?"

On Friday we turned the corner of our back street and I said to D

"Isn`t it strange that his car isn`t there?"

BUT, when I entered the house with a couple of shopping bags, there was G lounging on the sofa watching an episode of Friends.

Me "What are you doing here?"

G. "E is having a girls night in with a pizza and some wine so she dropped me off here so that I can go to the pub with the lads.......oh, you`ve been shopping, have you got any of that chocolate with the nuts in?"

Spent Sunday arranging ourselves around the place to utilise all of the extra wardrobe, cupboard, bathroom cabinet space and I`ve also noticed how clean the bathroom is staying. It`s only six days in from him leaving and already I`ve noticed how little there is in the washing basket. This is going to be great.

I Love the Orange advert, those funny little animated things are hilarious, one doing the moonwalk and a spring legged being. Also love the Old Speckled Hen ads, that bloke dressed as a moose dancing with his hooves mincing around is a hoot.

Went out today at 8.30 with two heavy bags and an umbrella raised as it was belting down. Halfway through the day, a thought popped into my head "I can`t remember struggling to lock the back door, did I lock the back door, I don`t think I did because the Clematis is growing wildly around the door and I can`t recall swiffing it aside?"

All the way home, I imagined our stuff being strewn all over the place, not being able to claim on the insurance and being nagged to death, but most of all, I worried that Chico would have been taken. I need not have worried, I had locked the door, but I think it may be time to start writing little notes or talking to myself before I leave the house "Have you turned off the....locked the......... etc.

Also thought that I was rich the other day, found a 20p piece without the date on, I`d heard of folks claiming up to £70,000 on ebay, but it was a new coin, there`s a kind of smooth half with no markings, but the date is on the other side. Shucks.

Watching Sky Arts,Helen Chadwick had created the Piss Flowers, she and her partner literally made piss holes in the snow (as kids, we used this phrase to describe someone with piggy eyes)She created the deep hole and her partner made a sprinkling corolla. Plaster was poured inside. The works were displayed on daisy shaped plinths. Some of her other efforts included melting tons of chocolate buttons into a huge vat with a fountain in the middle. They were mixing it up with a spade, there were 25 kilos in per hour. I think it had something to do with making mud pies as a child.

Well, now there are no children left in our house, we have become empty nesters........so the next question has got to be "When will we become grandparents?" Somehow I think it will be quite a while before this happens, but that`s ok, I`m going to be busy busy when I leave work at the end of this month.

The Shadow of a Smile

(Photo from The Guardian)
Fabulous fella Bobby Robson has passed away, so dignified and what a character, just goes to show the measure of the man, at a friendly match in his honour the week before his death. A true battler who was loved by the Geordie nation. Bob, draped in a fancy black and white scarf, hat at a jaunty angle and smiling as ever, people are going to remember that smile.


I defy anyone to visit Poundland then only spend a pound! I bought two mugs, yeah I know, what a mug, but one was for me, The Bash Street Kids and the other Coronation Street (Constipation Street) for my husband. Noticed a David Cameron book alongside a Katie Price biography, which didn`t surprise me, but to see Michael Palin`s Himalaya with them was uncalled for, love the bloke, especially Ripping Yarns. While in the queue, two women walked past with a Katie book each. I was tempted to buy Michael`s, but as I handed my notice in at work this week,thought better of it, but I`ll be in town on Tuesday, so if there are any left......!

Yes, in a couple of weeks, I`ll be free to write,compute and best of all to spread myself out around the house once my eldest son G has moved in with his girlfriend E. There has been a constant toaster, towels,kettle procession scuttling back and forwards to the car today and it`s great to see all of the boxes disappearing from the top of the stairs. I`m looking around for anything that I can palm off to them, saves me a trip to the tip, a massive umbrella plant which is scaling the ceiling has been accepted. Next on the list will be any owld bedding, glasses, cups etc.

I usually open the top of the cage for Chico to get out, he then climbs down to the front door and opens it with his beak. Yesterday, we noticed that he was spending a fair bit of time hanging around the area outside his water dish. Didn`t give it a thought until this morning, I took the cover off his cage, but didn`t open the door, he pushed on his dish and that door opened. The sly little sod had opened it the night before leaving it shut to ready for his escape. Fortunate for us his ploy was foiled, otherwise we could have come back home to chewed furniture. He has already pecked the back of my swivel chair, pedal bin, holes in the curtains, book covers etc. African Greys are lovely birds but very naughty and destructive.

We have some bamboo posts in our shed, D has threatened to make an arrangement in our garden with them for about five years. Sister in law A visited today and asked for one. I opened the door and she launched herself in there over mower, chairs,shelving and every other bugger of things. Then, she screamed jumping from foot to foot, I yelled in unison thinking it was a spider, but no, a mouse, well that`s alright then. I gathered that they were in there when I climbed in a couple of weeks ago to retrieve the sun lounger to find a gaping gnawed hole in it and bits of chewed sponge all over the deck.

I have a fabulous spider catcher contraption, it is a see through pyramid shape at the end of a long stick, it needs to be long as I won`t go anywhere near them. Once the pyramid has trapped Incy inside I use my foot to slide the door along ready to drop him far away at the top of the garden, but the little bastards still keep getting in. When our Bull Terrier Bullseye was here, he used to enjoy eating them, they were easy to see on light laminate flooring. I wonder if I could train Chico to eat them, perhaps not.

Protests, Parades and Poetry

Stumbled on a website with ideas to encourage weightloss....they ask the members to nominate a charity with whose views they disagree to receive the money should they fail. They work on the theory that it`s an incentive to get people motivated. They dangle the carrot with suggestions, how about global warming, abortion or gay marriage? How sensitive of them.

Just watched In Bruges, not usually keen on Colin Farrell, but I thoroughly enjoyed this film, nowt like black humour.

Passed two blokes, the first greeted his pal with

Blokie 1 "By, you`ve lost a lot of weight lad."
Blokie 2 "Aye, aa`ve been too near the bacon slicer."

Are there any clear guidelines on swine flu, apart from "Just stay at home." Why do I suspect that someone has made a medicines deal and needs to sell stockpiled tablets for, say, American drugs companies? Are wars started to sell weapons, probably, did the Americans film the moon landing near Las Vegas? There are so many conspiracy theories around, some of them very believable and their success depends on scaring us. Lately, I feel guilty when I need to cough, do people think I`ve got swine flu? Well done on causing mass neurosis. Wash your hands, cover your mouth when you cough they tell us...of course, a splash of Domest-arse will kill all germs. I still laugh to recall the advice we were given when the threat of nuclear attack was feared, we would all be ok if we hid under a door, yeah, right, we have three minutes to run around for a screwdriver, take the door off it`s hinges, then a family of four will fit nicely under there. What we have all learned by such lies and nonsensical statements is that we are on our own.

Making my way through town on Saturday,on my way to a poetry event, lots of rights groups parading through the streets, some fabulous costumes and banners. Six of us read in turn at the Oxfam book shop in town on, it was a really good day, people wandered in and out, listened for a while, chose a book and moved on. We also read from Hope Filled Seeds, a compilation of poems in support of Oxfam.
Also spurred me on to make a resolution, sort out books that I have read to donate.....of course this didn`t last long, an hour in Oxfam and I bought four from the shop!!!! I think that I need help, maybe I should search for a website to wean me off spending on books, but, if it goes to a good cause, I`m in.

Shatila Social (Peter Morgan pictured)

Over £500 was raised at the Cumberland Arms on Monday 13th by performers for the Shatila Refugees Camp in Beirut. Peter Morgan had worked with the children at the camp school resulting in a 30 minute play of music, dance and physical theatre. 10 young actors and 4 of their teachers were brought by Peter to Tyneside to perform the play in the Autumn.

Poets, slammers, singers, comedians and spoken word artists performed to raise the money. Two ex members of Lindisfarne, Billy Mitchell and Ray Laidlaw with Billy`s son gave an electric performance,Annie Orwin, blues singer and actress astounded everyone with her gritty songs, I`ll certainly be going to see them in the region. Turns out Annie often plays at the same venues as a friend of ours Bob Barton from the band Old School, small world.

The funeral of Jimmy Forsyth today at the West Road crematorium, our group The West End Picture History Group were there to see him off. Kelly, his carer was there and going back to work afterwards. Met some good people, a fella who was in the squad who pulled down all the pubs along Scotswood Road, loved his stories of how Jimmy would position himself right in the thick of the demolition to get a good photo "You`d see the dust rising up and he`d be standing in among it all with that box brownie camera. Also people from the newly set up Westgate Past photo collection group who are archivists and photographers,we went to the Fox and Hounds afterwards.

Crook Hall`s ghost of the White Lady

Support this poetry event, Mark Speeding is performing a set of his poems.

At Durham on Saturday for the 125th Miners Gala, lots of banners,bugles and banging of drums. A hen party was in town, about 30 lasses all wearing horns and black T shirts saying Gemma`s Hen Party, when one of the bands came parading up towards the cathedral, one of the lasses, pint glass in hand did a wiggly dance right in the middle of the lane as they approached. Great atmosphere in the town, apparently 50,000 attended last year.

Then on to the Crook Hall Gardens to take part in a poetry slam, got into the last four, great people there and the surroundings were magnificent. Art installations around the house and gardens, They have an orchard, maze and many themed areas such as the Shakespeare Garden. We also took part in a project by artist Barrie West who gave us paints of regimental colours to add to a piece about Iraq soldiers. I`ll be back

There is the ghost of the White Lady who haunts, the leaflets advise sensitive souls to avoid the Jacobean Room, so that is where the slam was held oooooooooooooo. In the next room there are two paintings of what is supposed to be the lady. Didn`t give much of a mind to it and didn`t experience any activity. But, we were all sitting in the garden, a lovely day and a young lass was playing and singing for us, then I looked towards the house at a lower window, nothing scary there, but as someone walked past the window and cut half of the reflection out, I saw a face exactly like the one in the painting and the same hair, it was smiling, then it vanished, weird.

Perfection at Pink Lane Poetry and Performance. Jazz Cafe`

Pink Lane Poetry and Performance, some of the entertainers. The cast from Cabaret were holding their end of show party downstairs, the musicians were amazing. Wayne Sleep is such a lovely person, very friendly and agreed to a photo. Look out for the next Burlesque event there.

Nicely out of Tune Flip Flops

After a trip to Greece it takes best part of the day to get used to not putting toilet tissue into the pedal bin, but seriously...

At checkout on the outward journey to Kefalonia and D asks the assistant how much for extra leg room, £30 each is the reply.

D "I`m not paying that, it would be £120 there and back!"
Y "So you`d rather have deep veice thrombosis then?"

Luckily we weren`t served square egg, the hunter`s chicken was nice enough. The kid behind was saying to her mother "What`s sticky and purple... and...I spy with my little eye." The flight attendant was demonstrating where the emergency exits were and the in flight telly showed the safety slidy, the kid pipes up
"Mummy, do I really have to go down that" mummy replies "No dear, now be careful where you`re putting your Fruit Shoot." and "Are your ears ok...now lets play I Spy again."
Has anyone got any razor blades, and we have another three hours of this. Forgive this dark composition as my thoughts were dark at this time

Dying Abroad

The windmill turns
And the dogs bark
By the flags of three nations
She is returning home without him
Their life together
Gone in the blink of an eye
Happy holidaymakers
Make their way to the beach
He lies alone
Entombed in a foreign land
She passes through airport control
His case and hers
She asks:-
"My husband died
His heart gave out
Can I still use his duty free?"

The heat was marvelous, good food, hotel and we met some lovely people. Hired a car to get around the island. Took a wrong turn from Poros, travelled down and under instead of up, passed a woman whitewashing her house and by the time we got back she had finished.

An old donkey lived in a field opposite the hotel.

Donkey looks out
From his breeze block home
Fury ears flap flies away
No water that I can see
People pass by and say Ahhhhh
You stand there while I take a photo
We`ll bring sugar lumps.....
Tomorrow.

Memories of my holiday in short bursts.

Towels flapping from veranda
Tree trunks painted white
Massive green and yellow crickets
Slide around the back of an ornate fence
Slyly thinking that they are hidden
Rubber flip flops
Sunburn in varying degrees
Dried out geraniums
Couple in the next room
Listening and singing along
"Why am I soft in the middle...
I can be your long lost pal."
I wonder if they are called
Betty or Al
A woman walks past
Wearing a fabulous cerise hat
Al says "She`s been to Ascot"
Sings
"He looks around around..
Call me Al"
Betty doesn`t speak
And the hire cars move in and out
While I sit on the veranda
Listening to the tapping
Of out of tune flip flops
Cicadas and a faint snoring sound
From the bedroom.

Talking to L from the Picture History Group as we sort through the archive photos, she is just back from the Netherlands. Recently recovered from a double knee replacement operation she says

"I caused a panic at the airport when the security men scanned me with the paddles, I set the alarms off."

When on holiday we miss out on the news, we speak about the death of Michael Jackson and agree that he was a creative genius, but don`t suppose we`ll ever know if the allegations were 100% true or a way to get money out of him. It set me thinking about the gun carriage that Lady Di was carried away on, she would have hated the thought of that, she was so against everything it represented, and like so, Michael Jackson spent all of his time hiding his kids from publicity and his siblings take them on a world wide stage after he`s gone, talk about rubbing one`s nose in it? And suddenly, people who never listened to his music are rushing out to buy it now. Science fiction scenarios are about to come true once more, I can remember films where the women ruled the world and men weren`t necessary, so a team in my home town, Newcastle have engineered sperm.Methinks this could be the thin end of the wedge, Jabba the Hutt and Jar Jar Binks here we come. Maybe we have all been here before, second time around, Pegasus may not have been a myth?

I love to go away on holiday, but, Jazz Club on Thursday, there`s something good about being back in my home town.


Andeeo.