Monday, 14 September 2009

Spider in the Bath

The guided tour bus event went well. I took three tours around Benwell, Elswick and Scotswood Road. Had them all singing the Blaydon Races and peppered the talk with comic accounts in with the factual stuff. Back at the centre they had all Marksies food and wine, storytelling by the great Chris Bostock and I read a few of my dialect poems, it was a brilliant day. There were Wii games for the kids, bouncy castle and face painting. Reminded me of the old playscheme days I used to run with pal Irene.

I know that I did say I wouldn`t be going to the vintage car show, but I went anyway. It was ok at first, some really beautiful old cars and lots of buses. On the second time around I noticed half a dozen men drooling over some curver boxes full of photographs of old buses. "Ooooo, look at this one...I`m having this." I wanted to shout out "GO AWAY AND DO SOMETHING ELSE!!" There were stands holding cd`s of buses, stands with DVD`s of buses, bus annuals, busmen`s ticket machines and toy dinky buses. As I looked around me I was beginning to fear that I had wandered into the pen of the Village of the Damned...Buses" I continually overheard snippets of conversations about crank shafts and fly wheels and how they had stripped the car down and built it back up again, why please? Wanted to scream HELP ME when D stopped to listen to how some bloke or other had trawled their contraptions over half of Europe, no doubt at 20 miles per hour. There were no seats anywhere for me to opt out. On our sixth trawl, I finally snapped

Y "Right, I`ve had enough are we going now?"
D "Aye, that`s it, just when I`m enjoying myself. I have to go to places that I can`t stand with you, like art galleries and museums."
Y "Yes, and you tell me "Right, that`s it I`ve had enough of fossily places. I can look at a painting, and pass on to the next, why are you going around and around, can`t you see enough on the first lap?"
D "Well, not really, I`m thinking of buying one."

We did finally get to eat our sandwiches and have a coffee from the flask near the sea.

Decided to go for a run into Durham the next day. On the way down the motorway we passed the exit. When I asked why, D said that we probably wouldn`t get a parking space in there so we`d be better off going further down. Darlington. On the way there he spies a vintage car company which just happened to have a 1924 Singer for sale on the forecourt.

Y "You planned this didn`t you?"
D "No, honest."

We make it to Darlington, haven`t been here for years, but it really is a nice little town, love some of the old buildings. Needless to say D wanted to call at this vintage place again on the way back...and did buy it. The owner offered to deliver it by trailer. It is a lovely motor, I found myself more interested in the folder that came with it listing the history of previous owners. A friend rang me

Y "You`ll never guess what he`s got now...a vintage car."
I (Shouts through to husband M "D`s got a vintage car."
Y "And do you know where he is now....away to the shop for polish."

There has been a resident spider in our bathroom for a week or so. I don`t really like them, but as he only had 5 and a half legs I took pity on him. I just had to make sure I knew where he was, in case of being stuck on the toilet to find he was right near me and I couldn`t run away. Mostly he has been swinging around near the ceiling. This morning he was in the bath, as I wanted to take a shower I sought out my spider catcher, didn`t want to boil him alive. But, as I placed the pyramid shaped contraption over him, then slid the door along, he took a tumble and was wedged in the door. He still wriggled about as I transferred him to the windowsill. Then he sort of crumpled up. At first I thought he was playing dead. I left the house at 8.30 and returned at 3.15, he was still there, so I can say that he is dead. Felt really guilty. Spider murderer. We have some really huge buggers that scuttle in from the field, so big you can see the hairs on their legs. They have no trouble in the catcher, so big there is nowhere to fall. It`s good for me that I don`t believe in reincarnation, It could have been my great grandfather that I squished?

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