Thursday, 15 March 2007

Passwords

I have a password for my e mails, for Genes Reunited, for Ancestry.com and now for my Blogger. I can`t cope, I key in the wrong passwords for all of the sites and am receiving new password e mails..... I am reminded ......I should write them down, but if you could see my note pads! Enough is enough, time to spend some time on chucking out,the theory being.. tidy house, tidy mind, but then I have carrier bags strewn all over the floor, one for work, one to transport things to the bathroom,bedroom, crafts cupboard, wherever, one for rubbish, one for things that "we could sell at a car boot sale" one for the garage. Help, I`m a hoarder, I need thereapy.

G arrives in from work to witness his father in customary pose on the sofa with t.v. controls in his hand.
G (Sings to tune of Beatles Nowhere Man)
He`s a real piggy man
Living in his piggy land
Making all his piggy plans
For nobody (Laughs)
D Hi there slap head
G Tubsy Malone
D Yeah, but Tubsy Malone who`s got the t.v. controls

As G always watches Stargate when he gets home, there`s the usual tussle, then D gives in and comes through to the kitchen to "help" me with the meal. He turns up all of the controls, sauces splatter over the neighbouring pans and all over the surface of the oven. it`s a chisel job by the time he`s finished. He makes a cuppa for us, he has filled the spoon with sugar and carried it over to the other end of the bench to put it into the cup, left a snail trail of sugar, which pebble dashes that surface also, later on when he pours a glass of wine, the cork, seal and bottle opener will be left also. Why don`t I just go and sprinkle porridge oats all over the carpet and crack a few eggs in there for good measure.

G is always complaining that D opens his letters, calls him nosy. D answers that he only opens them in case it`s something important that he might need to ring G immediatley (Yeah) There is a parcel on the stool, already opened, but slightly ajar, it has G`s name and address on the top. D circles around it a couple of times, and then , says "I wonder what it is?" I`m tempted to say that I haven`t got xray eyes. Then it`s between him and his wits, he opens it up. It`s empty, apart from a sheet of computer paper which reads "Nosy fat bastard or specky cow or both, stop looking at things that are nothing to do with you!!!!!!!" I object strongly to this.......
I`m not in the least interested in anything in his post.

Found an old book during my chuck out, Janet and John, how middle class they were, and the stories were so boring, I wonder how we ever learned to read at all. The drawings show well scrubbed typically English children with mops of hair, Enid Blyton style. it was printed in 1949.
"I walked and I walked and what did I see?
I saw a little puppy and he saw me.
Little puppy ran. He ran to me.
There was also a green candle in the shape of a bottle with Happy 2000 on the front, where does all this crap come from?

As D monopolises the t.v. controls all night and watches back to back Emmerdale, Coronation Street and The Bill, (My friend Irene renames these programmes Ennemadale,Constipation Street and The Pill) I wait until he falls asleep, then remove them from under his stomach just as he breathes in. I sit down with my well earned Vodka, and there`s a programme on the History channel about Queen Victoria. Apparently, she loved sex, but not the results. She had 8 children, she asked her doctor what could be done. He knew about condoms, but couldn`t tell her, they were made of sheeps bladders, and had to be tied on with a bow (As if the male anatomy wasn`t ridiculous enough) Condoms were only intended to protect the male against venereal disease.

I am really worried now, I have lived in this house for over 30 years, we have always had a sliding patio door, I have just tried to pull it open like a regular door to let the dog out. Maybe when I have this massive chuck out, I may improve my memory, or is this what menopause is all about?

1 comment:

Paul & Bobbi Trehan-Young said...

You need to take the Ginko Biloba I left for you...