Sunday, 31 August 2008

Fat Busters

A sofa advert has been on TV so much it is driving me loopy, the song by Nickelback is great, but one line had me flumoxed:-

"I want to buy a new house on an ??????? of ????? and a bathroom I can play baseball in"

Asked people at work and one guessed it said an episode of green (Meaning when you look out of the window there are fields) one thought Hollywood Hills.

Googled it and it`s an episode of Cribs, there`s a clip on youtube, apparently a send up comedy, shows Mohahmad showing a film crew around his house, his mother can be heard in the background shouting in her own language not to let anyone sit on the sofa, then she throws a slipper at him, he replies in arabic that she is showing him up, thousands of people will see him being hit by a slipper on TV, she then throws the other one and he stands there with a gormless smile. Worth a look. The houses are something also.

Another advert comes on, showing some muscle bound young man on a boat, shirt flapping around his 6 pack, D comments.

D "Well, that`s nowt, I`ve got a 40 pack."

G passes through on the way to the oven, observes D eating a bacon sandwich

G "Seeing to yourself again I see?"
D " You never make me anything so why should I.."
G "Yeah, Yeah, we know...Fat Controller."
D "And don`t you forget it!!!"

G grills bacon.

D "You haven`t put tin foil on it first."
G "I don`t want my food swimming in fat, so mind your own business."
D "It`s not you that has to clean the grill."
G "And it`s not you either, Mam does it."

The two of them put together wouldn`t make a good un.

Talking about fat, I was on Shields Road the other day and an advert in a shop window read Get your Fat Buster Tablets here. Then we can all go to the greasy spoons nearby and eat a beefburger. Apparently there`s a Fat Map now, which charts levels of obesity, we are the junk food generation, and Northumberland is the top of the league.

D and I were in another shop nearby, the assistant asked him

Asst. "Would you like a small bag?"
D "No thanks." (Looks at me) "I`ve already got one.")

It`s plain to see where G gets the cheek from.

Then we go looking for a small table for my Father in law, one of those wine style ones for him to keep a cup on. There are lots of similar styles, but D is nit picking over them, too big, too low etc, so we come away with nothing. Pa in law is happy downstairs in the care home, there are more visitors who all gather together and chat about this and that, we play his music and his feet tap to Seigfried Line and We`ll meet again. The residents all seem to be going somewhere, but they don`t know where. So sad to hear them asking when their parents are coming to take them home. We know when one old fella has been on the rounds, D`s Dad is usually sitting in his chair slipperless, then you spy the old man shuffling up the corridor with his cap and jacket on with about 5 pairs under his arm. B thinks he`s in a social club when everone assembles for lunch, goes around asking what they`d like to drink.

The postman arrives at the door with a pizza shaped box, it`s for G, D wonders what it is, but he has as much chance of finding out, as G takes it straight to his room.
The empty box is left and paper scattered around, I must remember the saying, Live long enough to be a problem to your children!!!

Later in the day, I gather up three pairs of shoes belonging to G and chuck them on the floor in his room, I spy a black rubber shape on the drawers. When I pick it up, it`s a Batman Mask $20. As G is out,has gone into toon to watch the Arsenal v Newcastle game. I can`t resist putting it on, D is downstairs quaffing cider and spits it out on my arrival as the masked crusader, minus the cape. We have a good laugh. He tries it on and we take photos of eachother in daft poses.

D "What does he want that for, and look what he`s paid for it!!! He`s mental."

My thoughts flip to caravan and boat, The caravan has never been anywhere and the boat rarely visited, I say nothing, kettle and pot as usual.

Watched The Naked Pilgrim hosted by Brian Sewell

B "I`ve got fresco neck, I have to take the back of my head and push it forwards." (Poor, poor, poor)
"This is a man`s job." (as he grapples for ages to take the cork out of a bottle)
He becomes "Very angry indeed" to be shown to a tourist attraction inside an old vaulted building where upside down horseshoes are carved into the stone, he`s appalled and suspects that locals have done this in an attempt to bring tourists "It`s comparitively recent graffitti hoping to attract idiot pilgrims like me. (You said it) Describes Lourdes as "Teeming with sick people and their carers, a cross between a hospital and a theme park. he is dismayed at the tacky shops selling St. Bernadette knickers, umbrellas, statues and plates. Moans at the tapestries " Just like the upholstery on Air Lingus."

But he does redeem himself at the end, after slating off the comercialism of Lourdes he speaks to a couple of women from Hartlepool who purely take the good out of the whole experience and their faith keeps them without malice. Then he observes the procession of the sick and dying past his hotel room and sheds a tear. Maybe he does just say things for a response, and there could be a soul inside there after all?


G.E said...

Nice Blog Yvonne ... And nice mask :0 Got a shock when I arrived at your page ... a blog about Premenopausal women and the first thing i see is a woman in a balaclava :S lol thanks for the kind words at ...Much appreciated ... I will add you to my new blogs I like list ASAP ...

Yvonne Young said...

Cheers g.e,

It`s great to keep the Geordie ethos alive, keep up the good work kidda. Yvonne

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

l just bought Brian Sewell's GRAND l only caught one episode of it..the man has me in stitches, why am I the only ne who think he's a riot and if l had a dinne rparty he is one l'd invite for sure...have you read his book, AN ALPHABET OF VILLIANS, his writing from the evening standard.

saz x

Yvonne Young said...

I agree totally, he`s one of those fellas who you just love to hate, but secretly admire his wit, what a grumpy old sod he is. But, there`s something pleasing about people who rant, they usually say things that we are thinking but wouldn`t dare. Wouldn`t mind getting that DVD. Mary Whitehouse was another one, loved Julie Walters playing her in a recent T.V. play. I haven`t read Sewell`s book, but definitely worth checking out. They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it`s piss funny all the same. YY xx

Anonymous said...

I think your blog is great and you should keep up the the great work on florrie the houswife .

Yvonne Young said...

Thanks alot. I`m trying to think of a Bingo night poem and a rant about cheeky kids who play knocky nine door (did it mesel when aa wus a kid)