Just discovered a brilliant site, Stumbleupon, information on anything and everything. Did you know that Norfolk council has distributed 200 salt shakers with less holes (4), at a cost of £450, to fish shops in their area in a bid to encourage folks to consume less salt. Rightly or wrongly if I`m eating chips I need a coating of salt and vinegar, apparently we should all have 6g max per day. A spokesman for the, wait for it, Federation of Fish Friers commented that people would only stand there longer, and that it was a complete waste of money, well said. On the same site, joke adverts, my favourite..Lego Snacks...you shit bricks.
Son G returned from the Metro Centre with a carrier bag:-
D "What have you got in there?"
G " I`m not telling you because you`ll say "You paid WHAT for THAT."
D " What did you pay then?"
G (Yawns) "£50"
D "£50?"
G "Yeeeeees, £50, we can`t all shop at George." (Takes flimsy black T shirt from the bag)
D "I could get 8 shirts for that."
G "Yes, probably made in Taiwan, cost 50p and the workers get 1p."
D "Clever Dick!"
G goes to talk to Chico our parrot, he listens, then when G tries to encourage him to sit on his hand, he`s bitten, really hard, but doesn`t draw blood.
G "You little twat."
D "Don`t swear, he`ll pick it up."
Read a clip in the Mail, John Haigh put the bodies of his victims in an acid bath to get rid of the evidence. He was caught because one of them had gallstones which stayed. He was hanged in August 1949. (Obviously didn`t know about bifidus regularis, how many more bogus names can advertisers come up with to brainwash us into buying their products?) So the lesson we must all learn from this...If your going to murder anyone and dispose of the body using acid, make sure they don`t have gall stones. Which reminds me, I also read somewhere that if you put a piece of steak into a bowl of Coke, it will be gone in 2 days, must try Coke in the toilet, save on cleaner.
Went to The Cluny today for the first time, tried the spicy parsnip soup, delicious. Very impressed with the place, lovely old building, friendly staff, good service and food. Must try their strawberry beer next time.
It`s years since I went into a loo with graffiti on the walls:-
1. The platitude that serves us today serves us tomorrow.
2. Today is the tomorrow that they promised us yesterday.
3. As above, so below, as within, so without. (What!!!)
4. I love Will Mapplebeck.
5. I so love Ben, he makes my life complete. (Huey)
Has anyone got a spare acid bath?
8 comments:
i think that's very funny. i'd like to think of something very clever to say. but that's about all i can manage. very funny. and very early here. always good to start the day with a giggle. thanks.
Hi there, Thanks alot, great to have feedback. I`m also trying to write short stories. Went to a book launch of Judith O`Reilly who got a fantastic book deal because people liked her blog, its called Wife in the North. Keep blogging.
Yvonne
That conversation was between G & D - hilarious..
The main problem is that D is a nosy parker and G likes his privacy. I know where G is coming from, for instance, tonight I`m on the phone to IW and D walks through to pour himself a glass of wine, when he hears me talking, he stands right next to me,unashamedly tuning in to my conversation while helping himself to my bowl of nuts, he`d better watch out.....where are those nut crackers!!!!!
liking being on the wall of the Cluny. Fame at last...
Will
Yes, you see your fame travels before you even on the walls of the throne.
Yvonne
how romantic, i wonder who wrote it?
Try to imagine some willowy blonde with legs that go on forever. Then you can puff yourself up to capacity when you swagger through the pub.
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