Fat Busters

A sofa advert has been on TV so much it is driving me loopy, the song by Nickelback is great, but one line had me flumoxed:-

"I want to buy a new house on an ??????? of ????? and a bathroom I can play baseball in"

Asked people at work and one guessed it said an episode of green (Meaning when you look out of the window there are fields) one thought Hollywood Hills.

Googled it and it`s an episode of Cribs, there`s a clip on youtube, apparently a send up comedy, shows Mohahmad showing a film crew around his house, his mother can be heard in the background shouting in her own language not to let anyone sit on the sofa, then she throws a slipper at him, he replies in arabic that she is showing him up, thousands of people will see him being hit by a slipper on TV, she then throws the other one and he stands there with a gormless smile. Worth a look. The houses are something also.

Another advert comes on, showing some muscle bound young man on a boat, shirt flapping around his 6 pack, D comments.

D "Well, that`s nowt, I`ve got a 40 pack."

G passes through on the way to the oven, observes D eating a bacon sandwich

G "Seeing to yourself again I see?"
D " You never make me anything so why should I.."
G "Yeah, Yeah, we know...Fat Controller."
D "And don`t you forget it!!!"

G grills bacon.

D "You haven`t put tin foil on it first."
G "I don`t want my food swimming in fat, so mind your own business."
D "It`s not you that has to clean the grill."
G "And it`s not you either, Mam does it."

The two of them put together wouldn`t make a good un.

Talking about fat, I was on Shields Road the other day and an advert in a shop window read Get your Fat Buster Tablets here. Then we can all go to the greasy spoons nearby and eat a beefburger. Apparently there`s a Fat Map now, which charts levels of obesity, we are the junk food generation, and Northumberland is the top of the league.

D and I were in another shop nearby, the assistant asked him

Asst. "Would you like a small bag?"
D "No thanks." (Looks at me) "I`ve already got one.")

It`s plain to see where G gets the cheek from.

Then we go looking for a small table for my Father in law, one of those wine style ones for him to keep a cup on. There are lots of similar styles, but D is nit picking over them, too big, too low etc, so we come away with nothing. Pa in law is happy downstairs in the care home, there are more visitors who all gather together and chat about this and that, we play his music and his feet tap to Seigfried Line and We`ll meet again. The residents all seem to be going somewhere, but they don`t know where. So sad to hear them asking when their parents are coming to take them home. We know when one old fella has been on the rounds, D`s Dad is usually sitting in his chair slipperless, then you spy the old man shuffling up the corridor with his cap and jacket on with about 5 pairs under his arm. B thinks he`s in a social club when everone assembles for lunch, goes around asking what they`d like to drink.


The postman arrives at the door with a pizza shaped box, it`s for G, D wonders what it is, but he has as much chance of finding out, as G takes it straight to his room.
The empty box is left and paper scattered around, I must remember the saying, Live long enough to be a problem to your children!!!

Later in the day, I gather up three pairs of shoes belonging to G and chuck them on the floor in his room, I spy a black rubber shape on the drawers. When I pick it up, it`s a Batman Mask $20. As G is out,has gone into toon to watch the Arsenal v Newcastle game. I can`t resist putting it on, D is downstairs quaffing cider and spits it out on my arrival as the masked crusader, minus the cape. We have a good laugh. He tries it on and we take photos of eachother in daft poses.

D "What does he want that for, and look what he`s paid for it!!! He`s mental."

My thoughts flip to caravan and boat, The caravan has never been anywhere and the boat rarely visited, I say nothing, kettle and pot as usual.

Watched The Naked Pilgrim hosted by Brian Sewell

B "I`ve got fresco neck, I have to take the back of my head and push it forwards." (Poor, poor, poor)
"This is a man`s job." (as he grapples for ages to take the cork out of a bottle)
He becomes "Very angry indeed" to be shown to a tourist attraction inside an old vaulted building where upside down horseshoes are carved into the stone, he`s appalled and suspects that locals have done this in an attempt to bring tourists "It`s comparitively recent graffitti hoping to attract idiot pilgrims like me. (You said it) Describes Lourdes as "Teeming with sick people and their carers, a cross between a hospital and a theme park. he is dismayed at the tacky shops selling St. Bernadette knickers, umbrellas, statues and plates. Moans at the tapestries " Just like the upholstery on Air Lingus."


But he does redeem himself at the end, after slating off the comercialism of Lourdes he speaks to a couple of women from Hartlepool who purely take the good out of the whole experience and their faith keeps them without malice. Then he observes the procession of the sick and dying past his hotel room and sheds a tear. Maybe he does just say things for a response, and there could be a soul inside there after all?

cat vs bull terrier you tube

Divn`t show is up

Finger Lickin` Good

Husband D is driving me to work, someone cuts him up, the usual fuck wit comments, wanker signals and spitting all over me as he does this. As he gets back on a par with the driver, he shouts "It`s a woman!!!" I ask why he never shouts "It`s a man" when they make mistakes, blank look. Chauvinism lives.

On the way back home after the shift, i jump the bus, an old woman sits down beside me, the smell of moth balls takes my breath away, didn`t know that people still use the things. Back in the fifties everyone suffered from a wang of eau de moth ball, come to think of it, haven`t seen many moths around lately, we are plagued by spiders, they are so big we can see the hairs on their legs. Our bull terrier used to eat them if he saw one scuttling over the laminate floor.

Amused to see a photo in one of the papers showing a burglar hanging upside down from a window, his foot had become caught and he hung there for an hour, good. I like to imagine what I would have done if I`d just got home and he was dangling in my house. "Oops, sorry, I`ve just broken your frigging leg as I was helping you down...oh no..now I`ve broken the other one, silly me." I wonder if he has back issues of Hang Glider monthly.

I also found a website on Stumble, alternative cards, maybe I could have sent the burglar a get well card

"I know your not feeling well, just try to see it as a rehearsal for death."

"I hope you get well soon, funerals depress the life out of me."

There`s currently a craze for songs which have a line which sounds like something else:-

Abba- Chikkitita tell me what`s wrong...
(Kick your teeth in tell me what`s wrong)

Phil Collins- She seems to have that invisible touch yeah
(She seems to have an invisible todger)

Attended the book launch of Christopher Brookmyre (A Snowball in Hell) What an excellent, hilarious talk. He apologised before starting that lots of strong language would be used, he has received letters from readers who accuse him of trying to look hard or cool, but he explained that the characters he writes about wouldn`t say "Bloody", if anyone wanted to leave before this began, he would understand. An editor noticed that one of his drafts contained 40 fucks, and suggested that he cut it to 15, Christopher couldn`t imagine which moron would say "You`ve got 16 fucks, you need to cut one out. Then maybe if an author hadn`t any swear words in his book, could he trade for some of his fucks, but if anyuone asked C for one of his fucks, he would say, no, sorry, I`m saving them up for a cunt.

There were no early leavers until C spoke of his grand surroundings for this launch at the Laing Art Gallery, usually he goes to book shops, one place he went to needed a code to get into the toilet, it was to prevent vandalism. Someone had left a warm chicken on the bench in there, apparently used it for sex. C said "Can they not cook, why don`t they do this in their own homes, maybe they just saw the chicken and needed it immediately, sort of gives a new meaning to boning a chicken." At this point a lone male got up and walked out. Maybe he found this distasteful. I couldn`t help but notice that it was the person who had attended a previous book launch where his wife told him off because he claimed the free raffle prize of a selection of books and he didn`t even have that number ticket!!!! So, better to be a thief than to listen to a dirty story???? Dishonest bugger, now that`s what I call distasteful.


I bought one of C`s books, Attack of the Unsinkable Rubber Ducks, it`s described as containing "Bad language, scatalogical humour, razor wit, convoluted plot with high readability" That`ll do for me. The talk was well attended and most people bought a book or three.

The Bridges over the Tyne

Times Gone By

Watched Who do you think you are, episode on Boris Johnson, and was prepared to have my thoughts that he is a plonker confirmed. His grandfather changed the surname from Kemal to Johnson. Phrases uttered during the programme included "It became symetrically necessary to demonise." "It`s punchy, it`s polemical" and "Wowee" His granny had always insisted that the family were decendants from royalty, Boris commented "Granny was right, we were wrong to sneer." Photos of a young Boris on a horse confirmed that he isn`t just wearing his hair tatty to appear eccentric, he`s always had it in that style, and his father sports the nutty professor coiffure too. By the end of the show, I quite liked good old Boris.

Went to Beamish for the day, it`s much improved, more trams and buses, they now have a masonic lodge and a Barclays Bank. I bought a ceramic ink well, need it for sod all, but it just brought back memories of school. Also a book,Whey Aye Man, It lists the usual translations for the Geordie dialect:-

"When a gor in last nite, a hoyed up on the nettie."
(I had too much alcohol last evening and consequently I was a little sick in the toilet.)

"Aave gor a gammy leg, ye knaa, so a cannit lowp aboot!"
(I will struggle to jump over that hurdle because I am a little lame.)

"Divvent let ya dog pittle on me grass!"
(Your Labrador has urinated on my garden, please do not let it happen again, thank you.)

There are old fashioned drawings, Little Jack Horner exclaims "Hev yee pinched aal the plums like?" Humpty Dumpty is lying broken, the soldiers are gathered around him holding pieces of egg...."A divvent knaa where this gans" "Gis it here man! Aa`ll dee it"...."Dee yee knaa wot he was deein?"...""Messin aboot on the waal so a hord like."

Loved the old songs in the book, Cushy Butterfield, Keep yer feet still Geordie Hinny and The Blaydon Races:-

I went to Blaydon Races
`Twas on the ninth of June
Eighteen hundred and sixty two
On a summer`s afternoon
I took the bus from Balmbra`s
And she was heavy laden
Away we went along Collingwood Street
To see the race at Blaydon.

A friend of mine IW, recently found some old photos of the street parties in 1962 in South Benwell for the celebrations of the centenary of the Blaydon Races, lots of familiar faces from the past. She also had a collection of Victory Tea party snaps from 1945, she loaned me them to scan for the archive at Benwell library.


It`s a well known fact that many Geordie`s finish off a sentence with the word "like". Sheryl on X Factor drives me mad, each performer who walks in "O yi Alreet like?" Don`t get me wrong I love our dialect and encourage it`s use, but it wears a bit thin when the same phrase is repeated so often, "Change the record Sheryl, yar a luvly lass utherwise pet."

There are old pit style houses at Beamish, colliery, farmhouse, geese, chickens and such. The old town pub, The Sun is now open for quaffing, but it`s tiny, reminds me of the Cumberland Arms. We ate shepherd`s pie and mushy peas in the old Co-op restaurant, there were old plants, water boilers and windows with the sash openings. The weather was lovely and families sat on the grass around the bandstand. The staff roamed around wearing Victorian dress. Kids tried to use the metal hoops in the school yard.

We called in on friends who live near the Bowes incline, M was cutting the grass on his bogey style lawn mower, needless to say D wanted a turn on it. M had spent most of his time mowing in a finely tuned circle, and D did curly Q`s over it, M too polite to say. S shouted us across for a cup of tea, so not too much damage done.

M "What di thi caal them things that run in front of ya car?"
D "Pheasants?"
M "Aye, a nearly knocked one down."
Y (Noticing his dog Jake snapping his teeth, arching his back and lurching along the grass) "What`s up with Jake?"
M "He`s gettin` randy, when I first saw him like that, I thought he was havin` a stroke."
S "Suppose he is, sort of."
M " Come and have a look at our new conservatwat."
D " It`s lovely, you get all the sunlight on this side of the house."

We sample some of S`s home made chocolate cake and talk about old times, nowt like it.

Gaffs

Must apologize for a glaring gaff made in my last post. I had keyed into Google, Photos of Brian Sewell, these I received together with photos taken by another Brian Sewell (Excellent, worth checking out) What a relief to know that Mr.Snotty Sewell is as we all suspected,only capable of ripping to bits the talented. But some good comes from every mistake, I received a message from fat frumpy and fifty blogger, who was surprised that "pompous" Brian had it in him, happily it turned out that he didn`t on further checking on my part. Her blog has fabulous photos and a great vintage company is advertised and run by her. She is living in Cumbria, small world, my Gt Grandfather on my mothers side came from Wigton, and many others from Stanwix and Carlisle.

Two old pals called around this morning. A bit of planning wouldn`t have gone amiss, but, as usual, the night before, I`m either on the computer, reading, ripping up old crap or moving things in the cupboard from one place to the other trying to give the illusion of "More space". Even if I had decided on the clothes I will be wearing for the next day, knowing my fat record, trying things on I like but don`t like me, fat cow.

But no..... sitting with a glass of wine, yeah, yeah, it`ll be ok, I`ll get up early and make a start, they`re not arriving until 10.00am, plenty time, the house is like shitsville, no matter, Mrs. Superefficient will be on top form? Rab C Nesbitt is on and I can`t bring myself to go to bed until it`s finished around 11.40. So, consequently I`m knackered at 7.30 the next day. Start by stuffing anything and everything into cupboards, which I know that sometime next week, I`ll be looking for said objects. I put lamb and onions in the creuset pan in the oven, the vegetables are peeled, swiff over the floor and I`m sitting on the computer as if that was all I`d been doing all morning, sweating like a pig is the dead giveaway.

However in control I appear to be I burn the carrots. Son G is on a day off and swans through

G " Burnt the carrots again?"

I had cooked dinner on Monday and burnt them, but thanks for the reminder. And luckily friends have brought strawberries and fresh cream, just as well as all I had in was yoghurt.

It`s pissed down all day, D is on a days leave tomorrow, we had planned to go to the boat, but we hear on the radio that the A69 is flooded, so maybe a trip to the tip with more crap, something exciting like that? Not.

Pals give me a lift to Gosforth Library where I meet friends S and K. Henry Charlton is promoting his book Travels in a Bygone Age, He came well prepared, with photos from his travels in Rhodesia, Bombay and Canada, he is saddened by the change of governments, recalls his work as a structural engineer. One account of a near death experience where a gun was held to his temple, poisonous snakes etc. Suddenly my burnt carrots pale into insignificance.

D and I get back home and there is a message from his father`s nursing home, what has he been up to we wonder. Last message we received he had smuggled a knife into his trouser pocket after lunch, used it to loosen the screws on the door to the corridor, escaped downstairs, then took the screws off the fire escape door, he was on his way out when the alarm bell sounded and they caught him. This was more serious, if that`s possible, he had been punched in the face by another resident.We must have him moved to the downstairs section, it appears more calmer there with more staff. The more I see of such places, it`s definitely going to be a cyanide pill from the internet for me.

Naked truth

Just got back from Benwell Library, been helping out listing old photos and maps. Called in to one of those cheap shops that sell everything from scourers to food to furnishings. In the toy section, a chain saw complete with pretend blood on the blade, yuk. But I did watch Hellboy last night on channel 5, excellent film, but some gory bits,the Nazi metal faced character who can flick blades from his arms was chopping down everyone in sight. Great line from Hellboy himself "I`m fireproof." New film out on 20th Aug, must go to see that.

Also worth watching was Queen and Paul Rodgers in concert, that Paul is still a sexy sod. I remember before we were married, D and I went to see him when he was with Free at Newcastle Guildhall, it was the early 70`s. By contrast Pompous Sewell (Catchphrase:- "It`s hideous.") is in a programme soon to be screened The Naked Pilgrim, a clip shows him, back view, showing off his skinny middle class arse, stepping into the sea. He once visited Newcastle and they took him to The Strawberry pub near the football ground, needless to say he found fault with most things here. Let`s hope that he keeps his strawberry well covered during the show, now that would be hideous. He`s actually a good photographer, check out sewellphotos.com/blog

Sewell did say that he was impressed by Geordie pride. It`s always commented upon, the Geordie hospitality and friendliness. But, my sister in law told me about a poor woman who collapsed during Bingo recently. The crowd became angry when the game was stopped for the ambulance crew to take her away. So, nowt`s changed from the good old knitting around the guillotine times.

My bulk mail has increased, probably due to the time I spend online. The usual replica handbags, watches and erectile pills adverts

A lad in a Micky Mouse suit was hauled away with his arms behind his back by police in Disneyland Los Angeles. His crime, protesting against the latest pay deal from Disney`s. Accomplices included Tinkerbell, Snow White and Cinderella. They are now in negotiations with the union.

Son G came in the backdoor and went straight up to his room without a by your leave, kiss my arse or even a commoner gardener hello. I assumed he was still up there and shouted G, the bird answered "Wo". G had pissed off out the front door.

D "He treats this house like a bloody hotel."

Bedding is changed again,so must warn D that G may be entertaining again, just in case he runs from the bathroom doing a Sewell.

Greedy Gets

IW "Where does D want to go tonight?"
y "IW wants to know where you want to go tonight."
D "Jarrow slacks."
Y "He said Jarrow Slacks."
IW "What!!! ask him if he wants to go to town."
Y "Do you want to go to town?"
D "Sgt Peppers?"
Y "We`ll just go local, see you at 7.30."

As we leave the house, G is cooking for girlfriend E. He is making a selection of stuffed things and a giant pizza.

Back from the pub at 11.30, D notices pizza on a tray. As there is no note saying that we can eat it, I leave well alone, D helps himself. 5 minutes later, G surfaces from his room.

G "You greedy sod, you`ve eaten all 6 pieces, right well I`m having one of your bottles of wine!!!" Then goes back to entertaining.

The next night D catches G sloping off with one of his bottles of beer.

D "Put that back."
G "You nicked my pizza, so I`m having this."
D "You`ve already taken a bottle of wine, Twat."

Kettle and pot.

The bird is still biting G, slyly and very gently holds his claw out as if he wants to sit on his hand, then holds on tightly while he bites. Chico has learned a whole new set of words. "Come on, come`ere....ow,ow....Hi NO...stop biting."

While picking up leaflets of interest, noticed a free magazine Mature Times, adverts include hearing aids, adjustable beds, you can win a one in a competition and insurance ads featuring Michael Parkinson. Bolton Council is issuing pensioners with cat bells to hang on their bags to ward off thieves. Yeah, like that`s going to work, they won`t be able to hear them for rap music on their ipods. Lots of advice on parkinson`s disease and other illnesses. But seriously, some very good advice on gardening, insurance and trips.

Was also approached with a free sample of pro age cream, while I`m anywhere for a little apple with freebies, I felt a bit afronted to be recognised as a wrinkly.

Another sign of ageing is having to get out of bed to go to the loo, at 4.00am, I return to bed after such a visit to find D is sprawled all over my side. Why didn`t you just climb onto his side? I hear you ask. Well I would, but his snoring pipe is laying a trail over there too. So I push him aside, he wakes up and says "I`m awake now, we might as well get up." There`s no way I`m joining him, so I sleep in until 9.00.

Enjoyed the book launch of The Great North Road by Annabel Dore`. An excellent talk on how she gets the inspiration to write, she imagines a door from her past, opens it and experiences the sights, sounds and smells of the past, good tip. She enquired of the audience if anyone else does this, and what things spark memories. An old lady said

"I remember that film about a stripper..she was a gypsy...but I can`t remember the name of it." Someone shouts out Gypsy Rosa Lee. There is singing and food, a really good afternoon.

Karen Joy Fowler was also at Gosforth Library promoting her new book, she is known for The Jane Austen Book Club which was recently made into a film. She informs us about a case on The Donner Party a group of people in America who were caught in a snow storm, they had passed mountains, and only had one more to go, they didn`t realise they were so close to their destination, so stayed put, but the weather got worse and they stayed the winter out, they eventually resorted to eating eachother. Her latest book The Case of the Imaginary Detective makes reference to this. Kind of gives a new meaning to Donner kebabs. I try to imagine the scenario if D and G were holed up together

"No,you lopped off a leg last time so I`m eating your arse."

Well, better go and make something to eat before the greedy gets come home.

It`s T- Raining Men

Read about a bloke called Sam Pyle (Ironic name) he won an award for the Hairiest Man (El Hairio)looks like a long pile carpet. Also Kevin Pietersen, the South African born cricketer has shaved off his astro turf badger style.


Got on the bus at 10.30am, a can of Carling rattling around under the seats, then at the Newcastle United football ground stop, a young lad got off snapping the ring pull on another.

Made it to Laboca Art Cafe, told B about the four hole salt sellars provided by Norwich Council to fish shops.

B " You pick on a granny with no salt on her salad and you`d get hit with her false teeth and slip on her curler!"
The conversation got around to husbands, and what we`d do if we didn`t have the ones we`ve got.

DK. "If I had another man I`d have to train him and it would take too long."
B "If you got a younger one, he could train you."
DK "He`d have to have his own teeth and hair."
B "How many men have you had with wigs?"
DK "He`d also have to be good at DIY and not fat, but really, I couldn`t be bothered with another man, even if he had gold bars hanging from his bollocks."
B "Have you seen Ann Foster`s painting of four fat blokes?"

We look at her catalogue, love the people dancing ones, full of movement and depth, but I`m not too impressed with the trees ones, a little flat and too expensive.

Y " And what about Judy Finnegan`s hairstyle, the raggy style just makes her look scraggy. He`s a bit childish, that Richard, she`s such an intelligent woman, I bet she cringes at some of the prattish comments he makes. He asked a woman guest "Really like the dress, is it Chinese silk?" answer "I don`t know."

B had been to the gym and proudly told us of his inverted nipple, he was admiring the nipple erection on the other one in the mirror.
B " If you wanted a breast implant, what style would you have."
Y "Not a Jordan, that`s for sure."
B " Nipples the size of your nostrils, high ones, low ones?"

Y "We`re happy with our fried eggs, we`ll have a top up of coffee,and try not to be slower than a laplanders travelling sledge."


It`s pissing down outside when we leave, no umbrella, and I have the cheek to comment on the raggy scraggy look.

India

Acid bath

Just discovered a brilliant site, Stumbleupon, information on anything and everything. Did you know that Norfolk council has distributed 200 salt shakers with less holes (4), at a cost of £450, to fish shops in their area in a bid to encourage folks to consume less salt. Rightly or wrongly if I`m eating chips I need a coating of salt and vinegar, apparently we should all have 6g max per day. A spokesman for the, wait for it, Federation of Fish Friers commented that people would only stand there longer, and that it was a complete waste of money, well said. On the same site, joke adverts, my favourite..Lego Snacks...you shit bricks.

Son G returned from the Metro Centre with a carrier bag:-

D "What have you got in there?"
G " I`m not telling you because you`ll say "You paid WHAT for THAT."
D " What did you pay then?"
G (Yawns) "£50"
D "£50?"
G "Yeeeeees, £50, we can`t all shop at George." (Takes flimsy black T shirt from the bag)
D "I could get 8 shirts for that."
G "Yes, probably made in Taiwan, cost 50p and the workers get 1p."
D "Clever Dick!"

G goes to talk to Chico our parrot, he listens, then when G tries to encourage him to sit on his hand, he`s bitten, really hard, but doesn`t draw blood.

G "You little twat."
D "Don`t swear, he`ll pick it up."

Read a clip in the Mail, John Haigh put the bodies of his victims in an acid bath to get rid of the evidence. He was caught because one of them had gallstones which stayed. He was hanged in August 1949. (Obviously didn`t know about bifidus regularis, how many more bogus names can advertisers come up with to brainwash us into buying their products?) So the lesson we must all learn from this...If your going to murder anyone and dispose of the body using acid, make sure they don`t have gall stones. Which reminds me, I also read somewhere that if you put a piece of steak into a bowl of Coke, it will be gone in 2 days, must try Coke in the toilet, save on cleaner.

Went to The Cluny today for the first time, tried the spicy parsnip soup, delicious. Very impressed with the place, lovely old building, friendly staff, good service and food. Must try their strawberry beer next time.

It`s years since I went into a loo with graffiti on the walls:-

1. The platitude that serves us today serves us tomorrow.
2. Today is the tomorrow that they promised us yesterday.
3. As above, so below, as within, so without. (What!!!)
4. I love Will Mapplebeck.
5. I so love Ben, he makes my life complete. (Huey)

Has anyone got a spare acid bath?

Pieces I`ve ate

The parrot has had his first taste of flesh. Brother D and sister in law A were round last night, my son and daughter in law P & B home for the weekend and everyone merry with much quaffing of ale. Chico flew into the kitchen and engaged in his party trick, throwing a selection of spoons onto the floor then watching sideways on as they hit the floor. When he flew back to his cage, brother D made the mistake of trying to put his finger through the bars, birdie drew blood, then as D was telling him off with his nose a little too close for comfort, he hooked his beak into the soft undersides of D`s nose, then fluffed himself up making clucking noises. Fascinating how much blood. He`s also gnawed his way through two wooden toys held up by string.

Chico has also developed a liking for Dusty Springfield hits, swings and sways around to Stay A While and I Only Want to be with You. Bought it at Woolworth`s for £2.97. odd price.

Driving to work 6.45 Friday morning, not far from the house, a tiny black poodle was running on the road towards us, soaking wet, obviously lost, I asked husband D to pick it up and put it in our kitchen until we got back from work. He refused "We`ll be late for work." I explained that I would find out where it was from, but no,he thought that once it was in our house, if nobody claimed it that I`d want to keep it. Told sister in law A, she agreed with me, poor animal, wonder where it is now, hope he didn`t get run over.

I suspect that eldest son G has a girlfriend. Telltale signs:-

1. Asked me where I worked (Been in this job for 4 years)
2. 2 bottles of Rose in the fridge. (He usually nicks ours)
3. Room is tidy and bedding changed.
4. Asked if we would be going out on Saturday night.

Husband D has just downloaded Geordie`s Lost His Liggy for a ring tone, I`m well pissed off because I have a crap phone which hasn`t enough memory, had previously tried to use Auf Weidershen Pet song. He`s playing it to the bird. He`s got one of the Blackberry phones which he never uses, charges it up every night, won`t swap with mine.