I`m Forever Blowing Bubbles

Never be tempted, even when you have run out of washing machine tablets, to use Fairy Liquid instead. Stupidly, I tried this today.

D "You must have put half the bottle in."
Y "Fuck right off."
G "What a mess."
Y "And you can piss off."
D " Why did you open the door?"
G "Quick, get that bit before it goes under the washer."

Neither of them bothered to lend a hand as they stood watching me trawl up a three inch thick cloud of soap suds. I was using a dish and a swiffer. I threw the first dish full into the sink and I couldn`t even force it down the plug hole.

Then after being suitably satisfied with their pontifications for the day, their thoughts swiftly turned to G`s car which has a radiator leak, both sods moseyed on down to the garage leaving me with mops, kitchen roll and old towels. It has been logged, their cards are marked. One thing, the kitchen floor has never been so clean!!

Went to the club to finish off partying for Nancy`s 60th with pal I, there were around 40 of us. As soon as I walked through the door they began to sing I`m forever blowing bubbles. I was hoping that I would win the Bingo so that I could flash the cash past D & G, then put it into my purse, but no luck. We were also out on Saturday for a meal with the same crowd.

I and me left our pens on the table with a note pad as we talked to N, pal I noticed a man go over to our table, used the pens to test them on the pad, then buggered off with them, she told me of her observation,so I went over to him and heard him saying to his women folk "I`ve got a couple of pens." to which I burst his bubble by saying
"No you haven`t they`re mine from that table." he apologised and gave them back. I`m really off males at the moment, well some of them. Went to record some of my stuff with the band Dialect, I`ve met Rik before at the Cumberland when he was rapping the dialogue of a new author`s book. Amazing delivery. I met his pals, great bunch of young uns with heaps of talent and get up and go. Their CD should be out soon.

Also read at a 70th birthday party at a hotel which was very scary as there were around 100 people there, met K B at the Cumberland and she invited me to speak. It`s all good experience, but it`s quite different in broad daylight, much easier on a stage when it`s in semi darkness like at the Cumberland, and that` bad enough on the old nerves.

Looking forward to poet Andrew Motion`s event on Tuesday, he was on the Book Show today along with Michael Rosen who is also brilliant.

I think there is a poem in there somewhere regarding the washing machine, maybe something like,

There was an old granny called Soap
Who`s husband thought he was the pope
Her son was no better
He couldn`t be wetter
Than if he was spliffed up with dope.

Yes, it`s crap, I know, but it is 11.30 on a Sunday night after a night on the lash.