Friday, 26 June 2009
Pauses (Not Menopauses, don`t remind me of those)
Watching an old Alfred Hitchcock film, Psycho. The victim rushes into the cellar, there`s a pause, she spins the "Mother" around in her chair to reveal a wig wearing skeleton, just then, as I was sitting white knuckled in my chair,D pushed the kitchen door open, the ironing board was leaning on, it came crashing to the floor, I nearly lost my wig. I love the bit where Norman darts out dressed like Old Mother Riley, then he looks all innocent "Why they`ll say she wouldn`t hurt a fly."
Went to B`s cafe La Boca, Friend D was telling us of her recent trip to Harrods
D " I sent Michael away for a coffee so that I could spend. The chandeliers had huge bunches of glass grapes hanging, the tiles were oranges and lemons. The Japanese were all queueing for Louis Vouitton bags at £200 a shot, there was an ornamental horse for £13,000 with a massive bum on it, like a Barbie horse. There was a push bike for £5,000. I`d bought him some chocolates, but they were really for me. When Michael came back from the cafe he said "Thieving rotten bastards charged me £4.70 for a cup of coffee!"
Y "The people who can afford those things buy their decorating designs from there and say I did it myself, when all they`ve done is look in a wallpaper book and tell someone else to do it for them, "Oh, yes I designed and decorated it myself."
I gave B a Lord of the Rings metal pencil case.
B "My pencil`s got a soft lead, but by god, you can get it to an H4 if you try."
I also gave him some smoker`s chewing gum which was given to me as a free sample.
B "I don`t smoke, but if I stick it up my arse I might get a puff."
Went to the book launch of Jimmy Forsyth`s new photos book. Des Walton was there and lots of people there were keen to speak to him, met his grandson Jack, who is a credit to Des, a young actor, who is soon to take part in performance at venues in Newcastle. Took lots of photos of the Lord Mayor, who is a canny down to earth bloke, he referred to one of Jimmy`s photos of Ralph Little, who was pictured sitting on a doorstep of one of the old houses from the 50`s, said that it reminded him of how he used to look when he was a kid. No airs and graces.
The Frayne and Co burlesque show at the Jazz Club on Pink Lane was amazing, the costumes, music and performances were electric. Jess Johnson was dressed as Charlie Chaplin and did a brilliant dance routine to Money Makes the World go Round with Martin Palmer, I loved this. Margaret sang and the dancers wore beautiful basques and feather headdresses. A couple danced the Tango and Mark Percy sang and also delighted everyone wih his puppet routines. They hope to put on similar shows once every three months, but the Pink Lane Performance will be monthly as usual, July 9th is the next one with another talent packed night for everyone.
Switched TV on for five minutes before I went out, I can`t stand these shows where the people air their stain searcher laundry in public. Two men and a woman sat in the middle, they are waiting for DNA tests to determine who the father is. By the look of the trio, the poor kid isn`t going to have much of a chance in life. There is something really sick in the tension building silence before the results are made public
"And we can reveal that.............................now it`s time for a break, we will hear who is the father after the commercial break." the after the ads
"DNA results show that Damien is......................................not the father."
For goodness sake!!!
The pauses I love come from comic genius, such as Groucho Marx, he was being interviewed, said something along the lines of:-
"All genius`s die young, around 37 years old................I was going to die at 37, but you look terrible at that age."