Des Walton and Grandson Jack with the Lord and Lady Mayoress. Book launch of Jimmy Forsyth`s new book Photographs from the 1950`s and 1960`s

Pauses (Not Menopauses, don`t remind me of those)

Watching an old Alfred Hitchcock film, Psycho. The victim rushes into the cellar, there`s a pause, she spins the "Mother" around in her chair to reveal a wig wearing skeleton, just then, as I was sitting white knuckled in my chair,D pushed the kitchen door open, the ironing board was leaning on, it came crashing to the floor, I nearly lost my wig. I love the bit where Norman darts out dressed like Old Mother Riley, then he looks all innocent "Why they`ll say she wouldn`t hurt a fly."

Went to B`s cafe La Boca, Friend D was telling us of her recent trip to Harrods

D " I sent Michael away for a coffee so that I could spend. The chandeliers had huge bunches of glass grapes hanging, the tiles were oranges and lemons. The Japanese were all queueing for Louis Vouitton bags at £200 a shot, there was an ornamental horse for £13,000 with a massive bum on it, like a Barbie horse. There was a push bike for £5,000. I`d bought him some chocolates, but they were really for me. When Michael came back from the cafe he said "Thieving rotten bastards charged me £4.70 for a cup of coffee!"

Y "The people who can afford those things buy their decorating designs from there and say I did it myself, when all they`ve done is look in a wallpaper book and tell someone else to do it for them, "Oh, yes I designed and decorated it myself."

I gave B a Lord of the Rings metal pencil case.

B "My pencil`s got a soft lead, but by god, you can get it to an H4 if you try."

I also gave him some smoker`s chewing gum which was given to me as a free sample.

B "I don`t smoke, but if I stick it up my arse I might get a puff."

Went to the book launch of Jimmy Forsyth`s new photos book. Des Walton was there and lots of people there were keen to speak to him, met his grandson Jack, who is a credit to Des, a young actor, who is soon to take part in performance at venues in Newcastle. Took lots of photos of the Lord Mayor, who is a canny down to earth bloke, he referred to one of Jimmy`s photos of Ralph Little, who was pictured sitting on a doorstep of one of the old houses from the 50`s, said that it reminded him of how he used to look when he was a kid. No airs and graces.

The Frayne and Co burlesque show at the Jazz Club on Pink Lane was amazing, the costumes, music and performances were electric. Jess Johnson was dressed as Charlie Chaplin and did a brilliant dance routine to Money Makes the World go Round with Martin Palmer, I loved this. Margaret sang and the dancers wore beautiful basques and feather headdresses. A couple danced the Tango and Mark Percy sang and also delighted everyone wih his puppet routines. They hope to put on similar shows once every three months, but the Pink Lane Performance will be monthly as usual, July 9th is the next one with another talent packed night for everyone.

Switched TV on for five minutes before I went out, I can`t stand these shows where the people air their stain searcher laundry in public. Two men and a woman sat in the middle, they are waiting for DNA tests to determine who the father is. By the look of the trio, the poor kid isn`t going to have much of a chance in life. There is something really sick in the tension building silence before the results are made public
"And we can reveal that.............................now it`s time for a break, we will hear who is the father after the commercial break." the after the ads
"DNA results show that Damien is......................................not the father."
For goodness sake!!!

The pauses I love come from comic genius, such as Groucho Marx, he was being interviewed, said something along the lines of:-
"All genius`s die young, around 37 years old................I was going to die at 37, but you look terrible at that age."

Jimmy Forsyth, Photos from the 1950`s and 1960`s.

I rang Des Walton who was responsible for cataloguing the photos of Jimmy Forsyth at the library in the early fifties. He agreed to give the show, at 89 years of age and having recently been in hospital he did great. The event was well attended and as Jimmy had never seen the new building on Condercum Road, I asked Kelly his carer from the home he`s in if she could bring him along. It was great to see the two men together after all these years. Des was at Jimmy`s 90th birthday celebration, and now 5 years later they were together again. We saw the Scotswood Road and Elswick collection. Jimmy also has a new book on sale,Photos from the 1950`s and 1960`s.

Saw Val McDermid at the new library promoting her new book A Darker Domain. I was loathe to leave early, she can really hold an audience.

A brilliant night at the Jazz Club on Thursday 11th, Margaret Frayne singing, James Oates as compere, the brilliant Simma with his hilarious take on life and folks in the north east, Lorna Windham, novelist and short story writer had us gripped. Karl, as usual involved the audience with his off the cuff performance, Annie Moir was amazing and read from her new book Prague Soup. Jess astounded everyone with her new work, was a little aprehensive about performing, but she had us in stitches laughing one moment and crying the next. Simon and his hang drum hypnotised us all.


D was busy eating soup at the table where coat hangers were lying in a jumble. As I reached for one, it slid into his bowl. The look I got was enough to stun a camel, so I said "You`d think I`d thrown a horses head in there."

At B`s cafe La Boca this week with pal D. we were having a natter when a couple and two children came in, B said "What do people think this is, a cafe?" The business side of owning his gaff comes secondary to him enjoying himself. He is displaying new mosaic mirrors and a large Quentin Crisp painting. Also there is a bookcase and customers can bring a book they want to swap. I`m really chuffed with my myspace site which B has updated, he has organised a slide show style format for my photos. He`s a canny bairn despite all the insults.

And I`m not even wearing purple!!

One thing that really gets my goat is people who pick out random pieces of gherkin and lettuce from a sandwich as they are walking strolling around town. It is no matter to them, they have passed on, so it`s there, on the path for some poor unsuspecting sod to go their length. Passed a travel shop with a hatch outside offering free magazines, and there on the top of the pile, a pizza box and a crumpled bag.

Booked a week in Kefalonia, then we hit the cheapy shops for T shirts. The wardrobe situation for both of us needed attention. We started with his,I`m sick of forcing ironed items in, when he goes for a shirt it looks as though they haven`t been pressed. Two bin bags later, and that`s before we started on mine! Took the case from the loft. Tried my old trusty shorts on, had to put three pairs in the charity bag, too tight. This quaffing of the odd glass of wine in the week will have to stop.

G and E are collecting stuff for their new house apace, storing it at our gaff. D had a call on his mobile from G

G "Dad will you get me a case of beer on your way here?"
D "I was planning on going straight home."
G "Well I`m going to Stephen`s to watch the match, so could you bring it here then do some plastering for me?"

Added to this D is on one week leave, and has been at G`s house every day sanding, painting etc. I find myself looking at things in the bathroom which will be no longer there when G moves out and assessing how much space I will have. No more mouth wash, face scrub, gel shaving cans and towels on the floor, socks at the top of the stairs and worse thing of all, whisker shavings blown into my sink!!

Left my ancient Sooty cast puppets, five of them, with Barrington`s cleaners, I was a bit nervous as they are really old, but they explained that they had just cleaned a hundred year old teddy. It cost me ten pounds, but they were very manky and have turned out brilliantly clean and they came in a separate plastic bag, Sweep, two Sooties, Butch and Sue. Also have a new puppet from Canada, when I opened the bubble wrapped envelope, it was gift wrapped with ribbon, a fabulous little blue monster with teeth, a superman cape and green finger and toe nails. It is so well made, a packet of stickers in there a little crocheted cover for the birth certificate (When he was knitted 17/3/09 and information, please take a look if you do puppet shows TheHookery.Etsy.com The kids at nursery are going to love him.




Friend Kath came to stay with us at the weekend from Woodbridge. I was in the bathroom and overheard D talking to her, admitting that he shouldn`t have bought the caravan, ahhhaaaa, the first time he has admitted, but not to me, that it was a pig in a poke. It has never been anywhere, and now he has started stashing things in there, as if the shed and caravan and loft are not already full of shite!!!!!!!!! Well at least we`ve made a start on the wardrobes. But D admits that he bought the caravan "Because it was a bargain." so I guesss it falls into the same category as the three for two cereal offers, nowhere to put them when we get home. Why buy three, have to move them around to get to the plates and suffer great annoyance for the sake of a few pennies. The sugar puffs up end onto the shelf and it`s a chisle job to get them off. I`m of an age now where I need peace as any little thing can prod mutterings, muttings and tuttings Victor Meldrew style.

I did finally make a start on my wardrobe and only managed to part with four T shirts, I have a real problem, haven`t worn most of it, but I like the look of it. The tower of shoes are rising up like triffids crumpling the clothes hanging above. I needed my brown sandals, found one, raked the whole lot out onto the floor, thought I`d found the other, put everything back in and no second sandal. So I wore something else, couldn`t bear to go through that again. The root of the matter is that I can hear my mother`s voice saying "You payed good money for those!" hence the hoarding, but it does ease the burden of guilt to give to the charity shops, more often than not I come back with someone elses tat. Friend D informed me that 25% of the donated goods are usable.

D " A woman I know is a volunteer, one bag had a pair of rugby boots still caked in mud, they get dirty knickers and lots of trousers with holes in."

The culprits are probably the same buggers who throw their bits of cucumber on the path!!!! Well that`s my menopausal mithering done for the day ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
And I`m not even wearing purple.