Central Arcade, Newcastle upon Tyne

Cat nap

A neighbour put this chair out for rubbish collection, the cat certainly knew how to find comfort.

The Underpants Cafe`

Going in to Laboca, meeting a couple of folks in there. Last week when friend D was approaching, B looked out of the window

"Here comes The Bitchy Butty Queen, the Crimplene Goddess, Butty Bouquet." She knew that he was taking the Mick by the expression on his face
D "And I` wearing my ocelot just for you" (Tugs on her scarf)
B "I`ve just bought a scary pussy plant, you know one of those smelly yellow bushes, oh by the way, D, never put water on nylon, you`ll get electric shocks."
"Did you see that programme with Sandi Toksvig and Goldie Hawn."
B "Yes, she looked like a Californian Raisin with a bit of lippy on."
D. "They gave much more air space to Goldie Hawn, I`d rather have listened to Sandi."
Y " We`ve all got tickets to see Ms Toksvig next week at Newcastle University."
D "Did I tell you about the leak in my back passage?"
B "OHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
D "We had a burst pipe and the cat was skidding all over the floor, the water dripped through the light fitting, we were plodging through the carpet, husband M had an idea, he had to take his trousers off as they got wet, so he said
M" I`m thinking of starting a new cafe, it`ll be called The Underpants Cafe`, instead of the doorman asking "Can I take your coat?" he`ll say "Can I take your trousers? Then all the men will be comfortable"
Y "I`m having visions here of the Auf Weidershen episode where OZ is trouserless, not a pretty thought, still if all the men did this in a cafe, us women would be spared the sight at home, could catch on."

Then a fella walked in, B addressed him
B "Hi Womble, what`s that whiff I got as you passed just then?"
W "I`m wearing Hi Karate."

Men, they`re in a league of their own!!!!!

Monkfish Productions

Been lucky enough to be part of the line up for First in Three at Northern Stage on
6th November. I`ll be appearing as Florrie the Geordie Housewife again, but this time will have the tune Geordie`s Lost his Liggy as my signature tune. A bit scary to think I`ll be on a larger stage, but the more practise I get, the better. Claire Morgan who runs the company will be using her puppet Mother, a clip can be viewed on youtube Little Apple, hilarious as well as a social commentary.

Travelled to Millhouse Green to help our P and B to move house. There`s something very pleasing about a new building, new kitchen, carpets and plain walls. I remember one house we lived in mid seventies, the people before us had painted the skirting boards until they came to a piece of furniture then moved around it to continue painting, when the place was empty, it was plain that they`d just daffied white paint over dark purple. The washable paper in the kitchen had to be chisled off, all seven layers of it, we eventually got down to the bare walls, and I swore that I would never wallpaper, ever. We thought we were trendy with our avocado bathroom suite.

Only been in the gaff for a week and while we were watching TV, some little tow rag nicked the coach lamp from the front door, someone took a key along the side of our car and D chased a lad across the road and through gardens after catching him in a neighbours house, until he lost him. As was fashionable at the time we used a half barrel as a plant pot in the garden, a criminal used it to stand on under our kitchen window trying to get into our house. We didn`t live here long, a year, before we put it up for sale. Moved to our present place and here we`ve stayed.

How I hate those telephone question scams,

Do you know the first name of our queen? Is it

1. Mary
2. Britney
3. Elizabeth

On breakfast TV there was a scrambled name, aimed at children, encouraging them to ring in at peak time, and to ask for permission from an adult
C i d r a
n e ll e

"Mam, mam, I know this one, I can win, pleeeeeeeeeeeease let me ring"

Can`t you just imagine this scenario, all they have to do now is to brainwash the kids and they make a fortune, twats.

Memories, in the corners of my mind, la la la........

Just about finished the schools section for the local history book, keep remembering more comic moments as I go along. I had a history of fainting, usually when we were about to disect a worm or when the teacher commented one day " Be careful, the scalpels are sharp, they are used for lancing veins." Why did she have to add that!!! During a craft lesson we were given a demonstration on how to hold the tile away from the sharp instrument we were using to forge lines into, they smelled like old tyres. One lass in the group gouged a chunk out of the soft tissue area between her thumb and forefinger, needless to say I hit the deck amid screams and blood gushing everywhere, who`d be a teacher? I was removed from the scene in a wheelchair.

Husband D has been shopping for CD`s, came back with Free and a couple of metaler kinds of music, thank frig that he didn`t come back with the box set of Champion the Wonderhorse, as he threatened to do last time we were in HMV. It`s fortunate for me that there are no repeats of Little House on the Prarie, pass the fermaldehyde, I want to pickle myself, on second thoughts, no, it brings back unmentionable things done to worms in the name of science!!!

In town passed publicity goings on for Animal Planet, loved the outfits, they were hovering around a black stretch limo, hardly planet friendly. Also, a new shop, Vivienne Westwood, never would have thought I`d ever see this in Newcastle, there were no customers in there, but it`s amazing that we`re in the running, must go in there sometime for a nose around, still can`t shake the memory of her wearing that green outfit with the fig leaf in front. Go girl for courage, I can`t see her ever farting about with tile prints at school.

Kate Adie book launch Into Danger (Miner`s Institute Newcastle upon Tyne)

Keith Armstrong at the Lit and Phil

Ann Sessoms at the Lit and Phil

Ann Sessoms Northumbrian Piper and Sheila Naughton (Senior Librarian and organiser of event)

C & K at the Space Centre

Been to Leicester working on another children`s rights event with sister in law A. It`s been great. This time it was held at the Space Centre. Travelled by train on Sunday, went straight to the building to set up, got back to the hotel at about 9.00p.m, then evening meal, as there were only 3 steaks left we had to slug it out between 15 of us, I got a steak. We ordered drinks, they only had one bottle of rose`, 4 bottles of Magners and a couple of lagers, nothing after that!!!!! E ordered risotto... when it came it looked more like porridge, M`s curry was bits of chicken sort of floating among the rice. Whilst waiting for my drink, I noticed a humpy backed beetle walking across the bar, when I drew this to the attention of the bartender he said

"Oh, I haven`t seen a one like that before."

So I concluded from this that there were many others of different varieties in the joint.

The building itself is of a gothic Victorian style, in fact it is used for murder mystery events, the advertising shows scenes which would not come amiss in an episode of Allo Allo. The furnishings in very dark wood, massive comfortable sofas, festooning morbidly decorated curtains and gold embellishments on the cornices and roses. There were two vicars in deep conversation when we got there, and at first I thought they were ready for a murder to begin, but no, actual vicars, talking about synods.

Needless to say I didn`t get a wink of sleep, left the curtains open and was up at 6.00am. Breakfast wasn`t much better than the evening meal. S and L ordered scrambled egg, when it was approaching I thought that there were herbs in it, no, it was burnt bits from the pan, when S queried it, the waitress said

"Oh, he does it in the wok."

I ordered a full English, the sausage was pink in the middle, didn`t dare comment in case I was murdered and used for the next play, but seriously, I once went out with a waiter, R, when a stroppy businessman complained about his steak, R brought it back, the chef tossed it around in a pan for a couple of seconds then gave it to R to take back. R stood at the door, tea towel over his arm, plate held aloft on four fingers of his left hand, lifted the steak with his right, spat under the steak and flourished out towards the customer. I have never complained in a restaurant since, but will not go back if I don`t like the meal.

The Space Centre was great, "One giant step for mankind" kept playing on our floor, Engineering, which drove us mad, but there were three guys dressed in stormtroopers suits with guns, C, a young lass on the team said

"I wonder what they look like under there."



Monday worked from 8.00 until 5.30, then straight for the train back which got into Newcastle at 10.00p.m. Just as we approached the station a message dotted across the display screen. Hard big bags must be put on the rack. So we are definitley back in Newcastle!!!

Took part in the poetry slam at the Cumberland Arms on Thursday, first time I`ve done this, quite scary, but great, some fabulous acts. Steve Urwin deservedly won, so accomplished and confident, need to take some hints. Lots of good inspiration at this event, surprised myself that I got to the semi final.

Still working on a memories book for People`s History on Benwell, where I grew up, I need 40,000 words and 180 photos for next July. This is something dear to my heart and top of my priorities at the moment, I always beat myself up since my Dad died nearly three years ago, I didn`t ask enough questions, hence I am knee deep in family history, ancestry projects and keeping the memories of our community alive.