Sunday, 6 April 2008


Watched a documentary on Ken Dodd, the comedian, a group of pensionable aged women surround him asking for autographs. One of them hands him a piece of paper.
Ken. "What`s your name dear?"
Woman: "Eileen."
Ken. "Do you lean to the left or to the right?"

Without a flicker of recognition that this is indeed a joke, she answers "To the left."

The carpets need hovering, where once we were plagued by dog hairs, now we have feathers and discarded seed husks. Terry Pratchett, the author has the right idea, he has these little dinner plate like remote control hoovers which beetle in and around the furniture in his magnificent house as he sits in front of six computer screens. He`s just recently been diagnosed with Alzheimers disease, which is devastating for such a brilliant mind. When my youngest son P was at middle school and well into games workshops and fantasy figures, which he used to paint, orc like creatures which cost a fortune. Both G and P spent time playing with Castle Greyskull and Star Wars figures, everything went into the loft, the Millenium Falcon, Rebel Star ship, along with darth Vader and the rest of them. We were holding a boot sale one Sunday, and the pair of them retrieved their booty from the loft and sold it all at ridiculously low prices. Years later when P moved away from Newcastle, we went to a science fiction convention and were gutted to see the prices of the self same paraphernalia.

Anything else of value in the loft has long since been sold, due to the discovery of ebay by eldest son G. He soon latched on to the fact that the two Snoopy watches, (original price around £3.50 each) were now worth £18.50 each, so promptly sold both his own and his brother`s. We know when he has been into the loft because the ladders are always left out under the hatch, he never tidies anything away.

I meet friend D at Laboca Art Cafe, B is there to greet us, when he finds out that I now own an African Grey parrot, he jokes

"Well, it`s a good job that you haven`t got a cock-or-two"

Two diners are about to leave, he asks the man

B "Is that your pencil, you`ve left on the haven`t got much lead in it have you?"
Man "Oh thankyou." picking the pencil up and putting it in his pocket.
B "See you again...pencil it in"

This reminds me of a programme on past times, The Way we were. A little lad wearing short pants and a short back and sides haircut, is crouched down on the pavement, he has chalked the words Follow this Line. He trawls around the school yard drawing this line, and at the end, has written If you followed this, your daft by, how things have changed, some of todays kids would be too busy scoring up in the toilets.

A book launch at the local Lit and Phil for three crime writers Chaz Brenchley (Local lad), Cath Stainecliffe (Blue Murder) and Margaret Murphy. K,S,D and me were dishing out the programmes, raffle, free pens, quiz and wine and nibbles. S had also made a lovely punch. The event was well attended and very interesting with an opportunity for questions from the crowd.
One of S`s friends was an Eileen, someone she had worked with a while back. As I listened to these three charmed individuals, I asked the question "Which book do you wish that you had written?" none of them gave an author, but they all said that there were styles and phrases that they were envious of. So, it gives the rest of us a little hope to know that even the hugely talented still have their jealousies. Heard a joke the other day,

How many authors does it take to change a light bulb?
13......1 to change it and another 12 to say, I should be up there.

I look out of the window, and my eye is irritatingly drawn to the bright red rope holding the fence up onto the tree, then I notice that D has been out with a piece of wood and nailed it from the fence to the tree "For extra support" It`s snowing, and I just know that no DIY will be done this week again, well, I suppose it gives friends and neighbours a laugh.

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