Friday, 23 September 2011
Wednesday, 14 September 2011
Tuesday, 13 September 2011
Friday, 9 September 2011
Steve Urwin book launch Shades of Grey (Red Squirrel)
Tuesday, October 4 · 7:00pm - 9:00pm
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Location Literary & Philosophical Society
23 Westgate Road
Newcastle, United Kingdom
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Created By Steve Urwin
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More Info The eagerly anticipated publication of Steve Urwin's new book. Shades of Grey is a brooding collection of prose vignettes, diary entries and nightmarish reveries from one of the most prolific spoken word artists in the North East.
Joint launch with first Red Squirrel Press non-fiction publication, Mike Pratt's (CEO Northumberland Wildlife Trust) Iona, a Spiritual Landscape.
Tuesday 4th October - 7.00pm - Part of Red Squirrel Press Week at Lit & Phil
Telephone: 0191 232 0192 or email: library@litandphil.org.uk
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Location Literary & Philosophical Society
23 Westgate Road
Newcastle, United Kingdom
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Created By Steve Urwin
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
More Info The eagerly anticipated publication of Steve Urwin's new book. Shades of Grey is a brooding collection of prose vignettes, diary entries and nightmarish reveries from one of the most prolific spoken word artists in the North East.
Joint launch with first Red Squirrel Press non-fiction publication, Mike Pratt's (CEO Northumberland Wildlife Trust) Iona, a Spiritual Landscape.
Tuesday 4th October - 7.00pm - Part of Red Squirrel Press Week at Lit & Phil
Telephone: 0191 232 0192 or email: library@litandphil.org.uk
Tuesday, 6 September 2011
On Being a People Watcher
I couldn`t live in a better position, a field right outside my front door which is peopled by dog walkers and kids playing. A huge green metal fence runs from the end of my garden through the middle of the field. This doesn`t please the kids, when their ball goes over the top, they have to walk the full perimeter to retrieve it, poor darlings. So they hit on an idea which involved digging a kind of moat under the fence. They slide their legs through and u shape under.
This has it`s drawbacks for other field players. A man out with his labrador dog watched as the animal scrabbled under the moat and was thoroughly enjoying itself running about in the field beyond. The owner was screaming "Get here, get here!!" all to no avail. Then he began bashing the lead against the fence and stamping his feet. Fido wasn`t paying the least bit attention. There is one couple who walk their shit machine, they carry the little plastic bag as if to say, "We are public spirited individuals who clean up after our pet." But when it craps, they turn the other way. As I say, it`s great to live here watching what goes on.
Over the years I`ve seen an alcoholic stashing her booze among the grass near the fence. Helped a kid down who was impaled by the hands, rang 999 when a lass was kicked by a horse, rang 999 when an old lady was pulled over by her dog and suffered a dislocated knee. Chased R H when he was smashing glass. But today I`ve seen my first robin of the year, and that means cold weather usually, so the walkers will be few and far between before long and the picture show will cease for the time being.
D was bumbling around in the bedroom before leaving for work. I had dozed off again and then nearly jumped out of my skin as I felt a hand on my nose.
Y "What are you doing?"
D "I thought you were dead, I was just checking."
Y "Well you nearly killed me you daft bugger!"
Sometimes I am also expected to be a mind reader.
D (Looking in the cupboard) "Where`s the lawnmower?"
Y "In the fridge?"
D "I mean the hoover"
Y "I think you were using it in the garage."
And also
D "I`ve just seen what the m`call her."
Y "Gis a clue"
D "You know who I mean"
Y "Not really."
D "Who I said I was going to call on"
Y "Nora?"
D "Aye, her. Her son, what`s his name, is going to give me a call, just in case he rings when I`m out and you don`t know who it is."
Y !!!!!!!
Well, time for a gin and orange.
This has it`s drawbacks for other field players. A man out with his labrador dog watched as the animal scrabbled under the moat and was thoroughly enjoying itself running about in the field beyond. The owner was screaming "Get here, get here!!" all to no avail. Then he began bashing the lead against the fence and stamping his feet. Fido wasn`t paying the least bit attention. There is one couple who walk their shit machine, they carry the little plastic bag as if to say, "We are public spirited individuals who clean up after our pet." But when it craps, they turn the other way. As I say, it`s great to live here watching what goes on.
Over the years I`ve seen an alcoholic stashing her booze among the grass near the fence. Helped a kid down who was impaled by the hands, rang 999 when a lass was kicked by a horse, rang 999 when an old lady was pulled over by her dog and suffered a dislocated knee. Chased R H when he was smashing glass. But today I`ve seen my first robin of the year, and that means cold weather usually, so the walkers will be few and far between before long and the picture show will cease for the time being.
D was bumbling around in the bedroom before leaving for work. I had dozed off again and then nearly jumped out of my skin as I felt a hand on my nose.
Y "What are you doing?"
D "I thought you were dead, I was just checking."
Y "Well you nearly killed me you daft bugger!"
Sometimes I am also expected to be a mind reader.
D (Looking in the cupboard) "Where`s the lawnmower?"
Y "In the fridge?"
D "I mean the hoover"
Y "I think you were using it in the garage."
And also
D "I`ve just seen what the m`call her."
Y "Gis a clue"
D "You know who I mean"
Y "Not really."
D "Who I said I was going to call on"
Y "Nora?"
D "Aye, her. Her son, what`s his name, is going to give me a call, just in case he rings when I`m out and you don`t know who it is."
Y !!!!!!!
Well, time for a gin and orange.
Monday, 5 September 2011
Dr Whoooowoooohooo
>
Kids do wonders for your self confidence, who`d have them? After the last car burst into flames, D swore that he wouldn`t get another 2nd car, he`d make do with the one he has. I gave him a couple of months, sure enough he now has another. An Alpha Romeo which has also been polished within an inch of it`s life! Son G called around to view the vehicle. I turned the corner into the garage to overhear
G "Naa, naa, you do`nt want to be doing that!"
D "You`re mother just wants to learn to drive again and use this car"
Y "No, you`re mother doesn`t want to do that at all!"
G "Good, because I know for a fact that you`d prang it up"
D "She used to be a good driver, but she lost her confidence"
G "She`d be a bloody liability on the road"
We decided to have a trip out to Beamish, well D did, and I found out that there was a car rally event on. However when we arrived there were only about nine cars, 7 Viva`s and 2 Victor`s. I was over the moon as we wouldn`t be trawling round and around, stopping and talking to various blokes about fan belts etc. I said "Get in" and D replied "You`re all heart!" I sat at the picnic table while D told the lass at the desk that they were an HA car, Ha van, HB Viva, Hc Viva, FD Victor and 2 Viva Gt`s. She said that she had always wanted to know what they were. She allowed him to lift the bonnets and nose around. I went for a sugar cornet with a flake in! The merry go round was spinning away to I`d Like to Teach the World to sing and people were milling around with their camera`s snapping the trams and people dressed up in period clothing.
We had been there for about an hour and a half when my mobile rang
G "Why isn`t dad answering his mobile, I have an emergency here!"
Y "I`ll put him on, his phone isn`t getting a signal"
D (Listens to the tirade of why are we not at home, where have we been etc) "I told you not to touch that pipe....I said that it wasn`t defunct....it`s your own f.....yes, it is. Well didn`t you turn off the stopcock?"
So we were on our way home, minus the stop off at a pub for dinner. D had to go to Wickes for supplies, repaired the pipe which G didn`t actually stump up for afterwards.
Brother D and sister in law A came round to ours last night. Brother had been baking a fab chilli game pie and he brought some samples. We had a few drinks and it was revealed that son G has been on Facbook telling the tale of the flood in his house. (I have been denied a friend request from said son, his brother doesn`t mind, being the more mature sibling)
Quote G " The day you wish you'd never started. Yip house flooded due to my own stupidity, that pipes defo ok to cut and remove......doh, by the rivers of Babylon. In my defence the tit who originally installed them did it wrong. Never my own fault, never.....
"bank of young" had to come round and fix it. how dare he go out on a sunday and not answer his phone, off with his head.
But...this is not the only revelation from his site!!!
"that moment in a bar in town when u look across the room and c a woman....its my mam 100% i keep lookun, its defo her, then she starts snoggin a random, cnt believe it, i storm over lookin staring and get filthy looks from a couple, its not my mam but her double, dohhhh feel like even more of a tit than normal"
As I said, kids, who`d have em? They are enemies of the state..exterminate..exterminate!!
Amanda Baker
Amanda Baker
with extracts from her Edinburgh Fringe shows
In
SNAIL LOVE!
*
Comedy & Performance Poetry - benefit gig
Morpeth Rugby Club - Mitford Rd.
Tuesday Oct 4th 8.30 – 9.45p.m. with interval
(pay bar from 7.30 – 10.30p.m.)
Tickets £7 from Morpeth Methodist Church Reception or on the door
All proceeds to
Pearl of Africa Child Care ltd.
charity no. 1122809
*
N.B. audience shots from the show may appear on the internet
with extracts from her Edinburgh Fringe shows
In
SNAIL LOVE!
*
Comedy & Performance Poetry - benefit gig
Morpeth Rugby Club - Mitford Rd.
Tuesday Oct 4th 8.30 – 9.45p.m. with interval
(pay bar from 7.30 – 10.30p.m.)
Tickets £7 from Morpeth Methodist Church Reception or on the door
All proceeds to
Pearl of Africa Child Care ltd.
charity no. 1122809
*
N.B. audience shots from the show may appear on the internet
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