Charity begins at home

Needed to pick up a photo from Venture Photography on Gosforth High Street, decided to take a look in a charity shop. I spied a skirt and proceeded to the dressing room (A kind of cupboard with a curtain)Outside the curtain and flapping around in front of it was a toddler, his mother kept repeating his name, so I knew that the little darling was Benedict.

Benedict: "Mummy, can I take a look at that bloke up there?"
Mummy: "You mean the Action Man on the shelf.....excuse me could we see that? (To the assistant?"
Assistant: "Of course....how old is he?"
Mummy: "He`s nearly three, aren`t you?"
Benedict"Look at my nipper grabber"

He continued to bash up against the curtain, and as the cubicle was near the door, I had visions of everyone on the high street catching an eyefull, but I was intrigued, what was a nipper grabber? It turned out to be a kind of plastic scorpion contraption, when he pulled it the pincers worked.

I bought the skirt, it was only £2.50, a real bargain, and a triumph for recycling. I tell myself this, but I really need to stop buying and clear out half of my wardrobe, It`s definitely an obsession this bargain hunting.

Last summer I helped out at the Ofsted Children`s Rights Conference. The workers were all assembled in the marquee, two massive helium bottles were being used to blow up balloons, when one of them ran out D asked if anyone knew how to change the regulator. M stepped forward confidently, pulled the top off it and the most excruciatingly earsplitting wheeeeeeeeeeee came exploding out, he then dropped the bottle and legged it. It scared the shit out of everyone so we all split to the four winds. Have you ever ran as fast as your legs can carry you ,but you appear to be going nowhere fast? Bravely D ran back inside and shut it down, meanwhile I stood by my cowardly self until everything had died down. I had visions of the bottle going into a tail spin and ripping through the tent.

We were all given walkie talkies, everyone`s worked except the one which was given to the team I was in (wouldn`t you just know) A high wind got up and we could hear team 4 shouting for help, their tent was on the way skywards and they were holding onto the tent pegs. J and I sent T as he was the only man, good excuse. It was a great day, the children who attended went on the free rides and gained lots of prizes, so in spite of everything else, I was willing to go again this year.

Needless to say, M was obviously going to be up for some stick at this year`s fun day. "keep him away from the balloons" that kind of thing. We travelled by train and went straight to Drayton Manor fun park, sorted out the resources ready for the next day and were at the hotel for around 9.30. Had a fabulous evening meal and loved my bedroom, looked out of the window where a golf course was in view. I was amazed to see the green covered in balls, I thought people pinched them. Mentioned this to sister in law A

"Oh, nobody does, they all have printed on them STOLEN FROM ******* HOTEL"

No hassle this time, so I`m in for next year if needed.

The detective working on the Darwin case has warned everyone "Don`t even think about doing a Darwin.!" They hadn`t quite cracked the "Lying low because we`re criminals." concept. It was bound to have gone pear shaped in the end, but how`s that for irony...setting up a canoe company? I suppose it would have worked if he hadn`t taken out a library ticket, couldn`t they have bought books at a charity shop with all the money they had? But they obviously believe that charity begins at home, pity that they didn`t include their own sons in this philosophy.

Ten by Ten at the Cumberland

It was my first attempt at the Ten by Ten event at the Cumberland Arms (Ten performers have ten minutes in which to sing, dance or read their work)I had practiced my routine, but found that on the night needed to refer to my notes, I wore my paisley pinny and turban which I had made. What an act to follow, Gerard Rudolf, a fine poet and storyteller, I was second, which was good for me in another way as I was really feeling nervous, I`d be able to relax afterwards. The acts were of a really high standard and I was really pleased with the response I received (Even when I forgot some of my words)

Lots of things go on in the rest of the building, a skiffle group plays catchy tunes like Don`t bring Lulu and Roll out the barrel, there were Morris dancers and accordian players in another room, it`s been packed the couple of times we`ve been in the audience, and they have bands playing throughout the week.

As I had been on strike Wednesday and Thursday, I took the day off on Friday to travel with my friend KW, who I have recently caught up with again after losing touch with eachother in 1973. She had moved away to go to university and as people do, we got absorbed into our own lives.At an old school reunion last November, someone had her telephone number, so I rang and as a result she has stayed with us a couple of times.

We drove down to Suffolk where she now lives and I spent from Friday until Tuesday visiting market towns in the area, eating home grown and cooked food, looking at old photos and her art work. I have always drawn first, then got frustrated when I apply the paint to find that it hasn`t turned out quite how I envisaged. She starts with colour, and sometimes doesn`t know at the beginning what she will create, a much more imaginative way to work, I`ll certainly try that.

She had always been a fan of retro fashions, we used to make our own clothes, only she was a perfectionist, tacked and took her time, whereas, I had to have the creation on that night, so hence one puffed sleeve and one floppy one, we used to trawl the jumble sales, seek out a nana`s festooning skirt, cut the waist band off and lay a pattern on it, and there we had another dress.

KW has an impressive garden with summer house, beautiful plants and a water barrel and pump which two local cats frequent as their watering hole. A ginger cat and a smoky grey one, the grey one has a cropped tail, he`s called Arthur, so they have dubbed him Arfur-tail (Half a Tail, ha ha) He was lying on the path on his back and K said "Look at him sunning his bollocks, only he hasn`t got any now."

We toured the retro shops looking for necklaces and ear rings, went to a place called Snape Maltings which used to be an old brewery near the river, but the buildings have been turned into art and craft galleries and a museum, the old buildings are fabulous.

Came back on the train. K dropped me at the station where I took a train to Peterborough, then went first class from there to Newcastle, not a way I usually travel, it was such a fabulous way to go. A single window seat with a little table,fabric place mat, ceramic cup and saucer, sugar bowl. A trolley came around with sandwiches,crisps, fruit juice, cake and coffee. I was even asked if I wanted a top up. I could get used to this, but unless I win the lottery....

Caught up with my ironing today and as I was flicking through the channels, stumbled on the God Channel, a bloke was telling people in the audience that God was working on people with lung problems today,(God had told him this) so he was inviting anyone up on the stage if they had asthma, bronchitis or lung cancer to be cured. This was going on in Florida. A man got up and stated that he had asthma for 20 years and it was now gone. An assistant stood behind him, and when the "healer" touched his forhead, he blanked out backwards into his arms. Healer told the people "Cynical people don`t last long, happy people do." He did this kind of Harry Potter movement as if he had a wand in his hand, directing his "energy" towards a nana on the stage, she flipped over onto the people sitting down in their seats.

Went into town, called in to Art Cafe, and B was on top form, asking all of the women in there how old they were, he was the youngest at 45. I told him that he was the young chicken and we were the old roosters, he said "I don`t know about a young chicken, more like an old cock." I was trying to see a detail on a photograph and asked him if he had a magnifying glass, he replied "Why, is it that long since you`ve seen your husband`s apendage?" He brought me a pair of jam jar bottom glasses and I still couldn`t see. As I wasn`t with friend D today, he asked "Where`s all fur coat?" He should be on the stage, but then he wouldn`t be able to pretend that he`s working, as he does now in his own cafe`.

Talk Titanic

I really do love travelling by bus, the interesting people makes up for the usual sausage roll remnants on the floor and the occasional rolling pop bottle which nobody wants to pick up, it becomes quite musical after a while.I imagine many a budding Mozart will have composed his masterpiece on such journeys.

Met an old fella struggling into his seat at the back of the bus, he sat opposite me, he smiled through a sigh. I asked him if he came into town for shopping every day. His wife had suffered a brain haemorrage seven years earlier and was left disabled in a wheelchair, she`d been in a coma for 6 months, he looked as if he`d been through the mill. It turned out that Mr. C had lived in Frank Street Benwell, where my husband was born and we started exchanging the surnames that we remembered, memories of the old outdoor toilets, woodworm and pitch darkness when sitting on the throne. He laughed when he remembered one night on returning from the pub, a little the worse for drink, he`d stumbled into the outdoor toilet, it was the middle of winter, the toilet bowl shattered, floods of water cascaded out, he couldn`t unloose the catch (sneck) on the door and was soaked.

Mr. C went on to talk of old neighbours, one old lady had taken care of a relative`s belongings after she died, a bag among the possessions had boarding pass, tickets and things left from the Titanic, she had survived the sinking. I asked what happened to it, he said regretfully, they had thrown it all in the bin.....what!!!!!
It wasn`t of interest to them back then. What a character, I really enjoyed my journey, he thanked me for an interesting chat.

Later that night, switched on Tv The Last Mystery of the Titanic is showing on Discovery Knowledge, the camera follows into the boat deck level, staircase and down to E deck. I ponder at where the old lady was in all of this.

Wife in the North by Judith O`Reilly

Just got back from a brilliant evening at Blackwell`s Book Shop in Newcastle City Centre. The book launch of Judith O`Reilly

"Maybe hormones ate her brain. How else would Judith`s husband persuade her to give up her career and move from her beloved London to Northumberland with two toddlers in tow?"

I discovered her blog by word of mouth from my friend Kate, and became hooked. I am a blogger myself since my daughter in law Bobbi set one up for me. She had started blogging since she and my son were on honeymoon two years ago. And, now that I`m addicted, if there is any way that I can pass on the obsession, I`m in. I asked a friend, Mick if he had a blog and he answered

"No, but I`ve got a sister in the Russian Navy...what is a blog?"

It does seem like savage amusement at times, what to leave in and leave out, but now that I have advice from an expert, I`m going to start blogging my poems, here goes.

Love

You never lower the toilet seat,
The toothpaste lidless lies.
Junk pressed into the pedal bin,
Attracting all the flies.

You never fold the paper,
The news is back to front.
And when I ask a question,
All I get`s a grunt.

Where is the washing basket?
You can`t locate it`s base.
Wet towels upon the bathroom floor,
It`s one big paper chase.

The cups bear penicillin,
The plates are welded high.
Pizza, burger, Macky Dees,
Baked beans, Kentucky Fry,

There`s just one thing I`d like to say,
Before my time is done,
"I`ve loved you more than life itself
because you are my son."

Well, that`s one of the collection so far, I`m part of the line up of performers at The Cumberland Arms, Ten by Ten evening where ten people perform ten poems in ten minutes. It`s next Thursday at 8.00 and will be really scary for me, hope it goes down well. Most of my poems are in Geordie dialect, I`ll be wearing a paisley pinny and a turban, copied from my mother.

Divn`t Show Is Up

Me Muther wore a turban,
Of workin class design,
She`d wear a paisly pinny
Peggin washin on the line.

The front door step was gleamin,
Scrubbed with lovin care.
She used a slab of donkey stone,
STEP ON IT IF YI DARE.

The Provi man would visit,
The interest rate was high,
Twenty Bob, aal you`d need
Helped yi to get by.

Ee Peggy, here`s me Provi
(I`d duck me heed in shame)
We`re gannin doon ti Farnon`s,
Ee well I`m deein the same.

We`d board the bus,
Gaan ti the toon.
Aw Mam, divn`t tell them aal,
For God`s sake keep it doon!

There might be kids from doon wor street,
Thinkin that we`re poor,
Aa cannit hold me heed up,
So can yi please giv oower?

Calm doon pet,me Muther said,
Cheer up and have a laugh.
They`re aal nee better than yersel,
We`re aal in the same tin bath.

I asked Judith O`Reilly if I should put my poems on the blog, and she gave me the thumbs up to have a go, so thanks again Judith for an inspirational evening, keep up the good work kid.