Bulk Mail

I am fed up with the amount of spam I am receiving lately.They target the easily led, people who don`t read things properly and the usual Viagra,advertising 40% off for perverts, National Bank, for people who may actually have an account with this bank, then open it in error.

Some recent titles were:-

Sender Subject
P Brimm Wankotsu
Wesley Lockhart ElmoFuckstickExtensive
magda durst Make your T python hu and ha
marra pruitt fashion trends in accessories

Is everybody on the make? Last week I was rushing through town passing a fruit seller barrow boy, he was talking to a customer. The fruit was banked up in columns in a cantilever position. I noticed a woman, touching the tangerines with one hand while holding a finger to her mouth, feining decision making. When the lad looked away, she rolled an orange up her sleeve. When I mentioned this to his fellow assistant she answered in a world weary way " That doesn`t surprise me, he caught a man with a bunch of grapes inside his coat last week." The imagery of this is scary.

At this time of year, the shops are crowded, especially food emporiums. Try to advise my husband that we are only buying all of this stuff to satisfy the advertisers, why do we need it all when the shops are open again so soon? But he loves the whole hyperventilating rush, panic for a trolley, supermarket sweep experience. Again, I turn the corner aisle of one well known shop to witness a man stuffing a packet of pasta up his jumper. When I mention this to husband, he says "He might not have much money." Yeah, that`s why the rest of us have to pay more.

Well, that`s me off the soap box, now to settle down with my nice PAID FOR cup of tea and a slice of cake.

Jewish Jacket Potato

Pal D and I arrive at Art Cafe to the usual friendly greeting "Hi wrinklies." A rather refined lady is sat in the corner of the room on her own, she is looking at the menu. B approaches and she orders a jacket potato.

We admire the new paintings on the cafe` walls, we particularly like the oil paintings of apples. B confides that he had suggested buying one to his partner who said "I`ve already got one old fruit at home, I don`t want one on my walls."

He tells us that he had been to a wedding last Saturday, but had to go straight from work, he said "I smelled like a chip, I nearly asked if anyone had a bun for a chip butty." He turned to the lady in the corner,
B "Oh, I see you haven`t eaten the skin?"
L "No, I never eat the skin."
B "Right then, next time I`ll make you a Jewish jacket potato."

D is talking about her recent trip to Italy where the handbags are designer and very expensive. She was looking at an alligator bag
D "It was gorgeous, alligator, but it looked as if it had been botoxed."
B "I wonder if it was botoxed before or after it was dead"
D "Uh, how horrible"
B "Otherwise it may not have been a snappy bargain"

We laugh, and so does he at his own joke. I don`t know what this lady is thinking, all this talk of skin in one form or another. We resume our chat about boozing and occasions when we have been tipsy to pissed.

I tell D about my hubby`s night out with the fellas from work, they were at the Old George, he didn`t get home until 1.30am. I was watching Billy Elliot on T.V. when he got back. He sat down on the chair, put his glasses on, promptly fell asleep,slid down the chair, the specs lodged sideways over the bridge of his nose, then one of the arms went up his nose, not a pretty sight. I couldn`t resist taking a photo of him. Next day when he looked at it he said "I really did have a skin full."