Thursday, 30 August 2007

Rusty mechanisms

G is in his room watching Borat for the umpteenth time, his girlfriend is on holiday with relatives. D has read in the newspaper that WD40 can be used on arthritic joints, apparently the Americans have used it for makes it ok then!!!! He returns from the local hardware store, places it on the bench and rushes upstairs to wash his dodgy knee. I pick up the tin, it reads For use on metal hinges, stops squeaks, loosens rusted parts and frees sticky mechanisms....I wonder if it will work on his wallet. Son P tries it on a sore finger, after about half an hour "Hell, this UB 40 stinks, and its not making any difference, I`m going to wash it off" The three of them put together wouldn`t make a good un.

D is full of vigour, and suitably loosened, decides to water the plants with the hose. I ask him to leave the hose out as we have had a number of cats peeing in our garden. I switch on the radio and learn that a new satelite navigation toothbrush is on the market for £150. it supposedly directs the brusher to places that need more attention, the presenters have asked folk to make suggestions of other sat nav uses. A young man rings in, what about directions in wiping your arse, they think this is really funny and ask him how old he is, 21. Then a stream of young women with ideas ranging from how to apply eyebrow pencil, nail varnish, for men to detect the toilet seat, aiming into the bowl, not the floor, and many calls for a sat nav to detect the G-spot etc. G and D need one when working in the kitchen "When you burn the toast and scrape it into the sink...please find the sponge...2 feet in front of you, tap to the left... left turn on the tap... and CLEAN UP after your bloody self!!!!

D has returned from the garden and is watching Robbie Coltrane in the Lake District, then Robbie visits Sunderland where he sees an old fella with a listed pigeon cree., then on to the spooky Chillingham Castle where he will stay the night, near the ghost of "The Mad Tormenter, Mr Sage, the torturer, maybe if those Scottish prisoners had a tin of WD40 with them, the pain might not have been so bad?

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