Get me to the church on time

Bloke and his other at the bus stop last night, he was pissed and she wasn`t. Him "Wassa marra wi yi...wassa marra.... wassa marra wi yi?" Her "Nothing!" Him "Wassa marra...wassa marra like....can yi tell is wassa marra?" Her (Silence) Him "Di yi wanna chip?" This continued on the journey. Has no one ever told him that when a woman answers "Nothing" that there is bloody something "the marra" And I would hazard a guess that it was him being a complete and utter monkey. Another great night at Hot words at the Chilly last night, packed, although Barry West`s new art installation at Newcastle Arts Centre and spoken word event clashed. Would have been standing only if that hadn`t been on. Good to headline with Jeff and Eve, haven`t read my poems for a while and the short story went down well. Jeff Price is experimenting with a new project for Radikal Words and will be showing at Blakes Café, a great venue for spoken word. This one will be 5 minutes to tell a tale on Crime and Punishment. Which reminds me, my pal Lorna Windham launches her new book on the subject in November at South Shields Library, her third in the series. I`m still battling with my new one on the Grainger Market, only eight interviews in so far and need around 30 to represent most trade genres. New job is going well. After my eighteen month contract for the reader organisation ended I could only see myself working on the odd reminiscence session and the book, but when the offer came I really wanted to give this a try. Originally meant to be nine hours a week but sometimes its sixteen and others twenty two, but that`s the nature of the work and it`s great working in so flexible an environment. Sometimes with different team members, but we are at a range of venues each session, sometimes schools, community centres and outdoors. We take a range of healthy foods, peppers, tomatoes, onions, beans,fruit and herbs etc, work with parents, children and the elderly encouraging them to join in making healthy options. There are talks on diabetes, food hygiene, portion sizes and nutrition. Events are well attended and we offer crafts and storytelling at some venues. Big Cook/Little Cook is a great project, the parent cooks with their child, photos are taken and put into a journal of the course for the family to keep complete with recipes and craft work. Books are selling well since the Chronicle asked to sell them. The advertising is an extra benefit. Dave Morton, editor has asked me to write a piece for a new supplement on the West End, so that is done and ready to go. Star and Shadow hosted a brilliant event organised by Divine Trash. We watched a really cheesy film which was good fun as the audience was shouting out. Then competitions for the best dressed, performance etc. Some fantastic outfits, well done all. Looking forward to Sheena Revolta`s next do - Crispin Hellion Glover`s Big Slide Show Plus What is It? and Bella Duvall will be hosting. Simma has his new album launch for Lychnobite at Central Bar in Gateshead. The wedding of my son G to E went brilliantly. Started off the week having our gel nails done. Friday night, me, E, her mother, sister and bridesmaid stayed at Newton Hall. We had three rooms which were all joined together by connecting doors. It was massive, the main room had a corner sofa, marble table and chairs and a door which led to a beautiful garden and views beyond. We went out for an evening meal and prepared for the wedding next day. E had bought us all goody bags with bracelet, chocolates and fun presents. There was also a wine glass each, engraved with Mother of the Groom, Bride, Bridesmaid and sister. The champagne was flowing. Next day E was so excited for the ceremony to begin at 1.30, she woke everyone to go for a walk on the beach! We donned our overcoats over pyjamas and drove down to the bay. The sky was a fantastic colour and the cobwebs were blown away. Fabulous ceremony, I read my poem which E had chosen for me. The hall, food, rooms and gardens are fab. Taking a look at where everyone was staying, wow!!! Stayed on another night, half of the guests left at 12 on a bus laid on for town and around 40 stayed over. Next day we went to Newton beach for another walk, wonderful. The Jingling Gate later on Sunday, but only around fifteen there as everyone else seemed to be bushed. The couple went off to Venice for honeymoon and arrived back yesterday. Can`t wait to see the photos. Course, not sure if I will ever have gel nails done again! It was a bugger to get them off. We were advised not to use ordinary nail polish remover, but neat acetone. "Dip you fingers in a cup full" my skin turned white and I didn`t trust it not to wear my finger ends down to the stumps, so tried rubbing it off with a cotton ball. Wound up picking the bloody things off, which took me best part of fifteen minutes and the surface of my nails feels decidedly furry. Nope, think I will stick to my Sally Hanson clear, and one coat only.