Signs of the times

I love to read the little signs that shop keepers put up.

"Please don`t drop fag ends on the floor, the cockroaches are dying from cancer."

"God helps those who help themselves, but god help those who I catch helping themselves."

Also the fruit sellers on the barrows, Carrits and potatis.

Leafing through a selection of greetings cards, couldn`t help but notice signs dividing them...the Loss of your Dog next to Loss of your Wife, flanked by Rat poison and wood glue. Ah, just what I`m looking for, not the poison!! although I could think of many uses for it. I was sitting at the computer, heard a cracking noise, the front of my files cupboard burst off, note pads, files,paper etc tsunami`d onto the floor. D walks in

D " You must be putting too much in that drawer!"
Y " Nooooooo, you don`t say."
D " Well are you going to pick it all up then?"
Y " Yeeees, when I`ve finished this, have you got any wood glue?"
D " No. You`ll have to get some tomorrow, but you`ll have to leave everything out of the drawer."
Didn`t say anything, why bother when I have a master near me who is brilliant at stating the obvious.


Saw a leggy lass wearing the highest heels possible before her arches were in danger of snapping.Teetering along the path towards the bus stop. She had left the white price tags on the bottom, no idea if the shoes were nice or not as I was concentrating on the white squares.

Bus journeys are usually enjoyable, but not today. A grandma sat next to me on the flippy down seats, a youngster around 13 years was with her, but needed to stand holding on to the handle above me. I couldn`t help but notice that her nose was dripping. Every time the bus lurched from a stop, she swang in my direction. Oh no, please don`t stop driver. Then the grandma kept speaking to her, as she whipped her head around to hear, I was in constant danger of being pebble dashed.

Should be a sign "S...not nice to snivel, so use a sodding snot rag."