I wish I`d looked after me teeth

Fought through the crowds at Primark for socks for D. A couple in front - she had filled one of those net bags with clothing. He`s standing by her, hands in pockets
and he says

"I just hope you live long enough to wear it all!"

I`m considering buying new wardrobes, but I really need to chuck a whole load of shite out first. Shoes I can`t walk in, things that are too tight, scarves. So I can`t snear at Mrs. Shop till she drops.

Made a new dental appointment. The first injection didn`t numb so she gave me another one. I was wearing plastic goggles which steamed up. These are new, must be in case bits of filling splat into your eyes. Looked at myself in the mirror and a panda stared back. Must invest in waterproof mascara. By the time I`d left the surgery my eye felt droopy and I needed to shove my neck forward to swallow. Went to the newsagents for a paper and when I spoke I sounded like the woman in the Tunes advert. Invested in a new electric toothbrush, need to look after the owld ageing teeth at my age. (Thanks to Pam Ayres for the title)

Confidence or Laziness...You decide!

Menopause could be used by many as an excuse for confusion,disorganization, forgetfulness? But, it doesn`t only apply to my age group. At the bus stop accompanied by my shopping trolley, the bus arrived and I got on, purse in hand. When I opened it, no note. I knew that I had a tenner to buy my weekly bus pass. I had to get off, dropped the purse, pennies sprinkling all over the path then had to wait half an hour for another. I sat near the front and a young lass got on at the next stop, long dark hair soaking wet.

She was carrying a bright orange handbag that was the size of a holdall, explained to the driver that she couldn`t find her pass, could she get on and produce it when she`d sorted herself out. He drives off and she parks her backside on one of the retractable seats while peeling her bag open on the other two. She reaches inside the tardis and pulls out a long pink perfume bottle, sprays it animatedly all over herself. She`s oblivious to my choking sounds, puts it back and drags out a spray deodorant which she points down her cleavage and under her arms. There`s a book and a hair brush that I can see. She finds what she`s looking for, leaves the bag wide open and slaps along the bus, holds up the pass to the driver and returns to rummaging in the bag. A vest top comes out, is folded and put back in. A pink fluffy towel is next out, a quick ruffle to her hair. Next she takes out a powder compact and in full view of many open mouthed pensioners she tarts up.

Part of me is in awe and admiration of the confidence and total lack of thought to what anyone else thinks and the other part is wanting to scream at her "Can`t you get ready before you leave the house!!" What is it that rises in me, is it a menopausal trait or being English,or because I am a nosy bugger? I want to make a comment, but don`t. She`s still not finished, she attempts to put on mascara as we travel over speed bumps. It was almost worth missing the bus to get a load of this farce. I was amazed that a hairdryer didn`t come out of the bag, maybe she could have asked the driver to plug it into his cigarette lighter socket. Sadly I had to get off, couldn`t help but wonder if she would read her book or maybe call someone up on her mobile. When I think of the palaver I have before I leave the house, checking and re-checking the back/front door etc and I still misplaced my money. It was in the back of my purse all the time.

Now, I`ve just checked my diary and I had a dental appointment today which I`ve missed and probably will have to pay a fine on top of the £45 I`ve already paid. And god knows when I`ll get another appointment. Eeee it`s coming to something when you have a diary, write in it, then forget to look at it.

Summerhill Books (www.summerhillbooks.co.uk)

Welcome to Summerhill Books.

Summerhill Books is a North East publishing company specialising in local history.
Our aim is to produce high quality books that reflect the unique history of Tyneside, Northumberland and Durham. Titles include photographic histories of local communities, personal memoirs and books reflecting the great industries of the region.


Ordering :
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Postage and packaging is FREE on all UK orders.
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For further information or to pay by cheque contact Andrew Clark
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Pink Lane Poetry and Performance

Jessica JohnsonJune 1, 2010 at 10:34am
Subject: Poets & Writers Call.
Prole is a new literary journal. Our first issue went out in April. We aim to appeal to a wide audience and hope to attract readers from a broad spectrum.
We are being reviewed in The Crack next month.
We are open to submissions of poetry, fiction and creative non-fiction.
I'd be grateful if you would share this with your members. Our website can be found at: http://www.facebook.com/l/529d3;www.prolebooks.co.uk

Frayne & Co (Presented by Monkfish Productions)

Esteemed Friends, Colleagues and Fellow Artists,

Monkfish Productions are delighted and honoured to present:-

************** FRAYNE & CO **************

Take a pinch of Variety, add a hint of Cabaret,
throw in a soupcon of Spoken Word,
a generous dollop of Superb Singing,
a whisper of Drag, a bite of Burlesque
all smeared generously with a jus of
Tongue-in-Cheek Comedy and what do you get?

We've called it 'CABARESQUE' and it's a dish best served hot........


Featuring:-

Margaret Frayne
Robbie Lee Hurst
Crystal Meth
Greg (Peter) Jenkinson
Toxic Cherry (Bittersweet Burlesque)
Simon Hymers

...and perhaps a very special visit from the INVISIBLE MAN
himself!!!!

With company like this and an inexpensive bar, what are YOU waiting for?

Sunday 25th April, 2010
Doors 7.30pm 8pm start
Admission £4

The Legion (upstairs)
3 West Jesmond Avenue
Jesmond
Newcastle Upon Tyne
NE2 3EX



Launch at The Legion!

Viv xx

Easter Bonnet

I won the competition, a bottle of wine!! Which was quaffed that night.

The first book launch at Pink Lane was brilliant. We read our poems from the book and a few more.

After a quick flip around the shops in town, I came back on the bus. A woman and her daughter boarded with a huge mastiffy kind of dog which was really whiffy. It wore a muzzle which was so tight that it`s tongue stuck out like a piece of boiled ham. It had severe eczema on it`s elbows (If that`s what they call them on canines) They were taking it to the vet.

Node by my brother David Luscombe (fontmonster)

Local Heroes-The Cup Comes Hyem

Paul Jannou and Jan Radwanski have put this exhibition together. See it at the Olivier Suite at the Theatre Royal

Also if you need copies of the photos from the exhibition visit
www.jan-prints.co.uk

Chico dancing to Poker Face

Radikal Words (Jeff Price)

On the Way Oot

I`m an orphan, an empty nester,
a menopausal mobster
I get murderous when I clean
The oven, the duvet and the toaster
I clean my teeth
They`re still yella
No chance I`ll get a fella
Unless I go to singles nights
Where I`ll meet the creeps
And the clever shites
I get to the top of the stair
I forget why I`m there
I lock the door
Go down the street
Takes me half an hour
Gassing to the folks I meet
Then I think, Did I shut the door
Best go back to check some more
Did I tell you I`m an orphan
An empty nester
A menopausal mobster
......Have I said this before
I`d best go and check that door.

This one will be included in the new Pinklane Poetry and Performance book due out soon.

I just love to watch the clips of people on the Anthony Gormley plinth. My favourite is the guy dancing to Pokerface by Lady Ga Ga. Love his style. When he comments that the street is completely empty "And it`s NOT because of my dancing!!" Keep gannin kidda you`re a diamond.

Visiting Des today to take him a disc of his 90th party then on to town for a coffee. I should be at home today making an easter bonnet for the competition at the club tomorrow but D is out on a works leaving do "I wish it was me" I`ve heard him mutter more than six times, poor bugger. Says me who is doing as she pleases. I have a huge white affair from Matalan for £5 which I intend to spend tonight painting with gouache and then plastering it with flowers and little chicken. I know, not very original, but I haven`t had time, too busy holding interview word checks with the contributors and making my pair of parrots for the arc project. I have the wings on one bird but they are both minus legs. They are so top heavy that I will have problems getting them to stand. I have three options

1 Tell the others that the birds heave eaten windfall apples and are drunk
2 Make a plaited felt nest
3 Hunt the woods for an appropriately sized branch

Or...I could blame the menopause and say I forgot.

Lamplight Centre

Kevin Cadwallender
appearing at
Poetry Jam
Waddington Street Centre
Durham City
Thursday 1st April 2010
See attached pdf flyer for details

new book "Sagrada Familia"
www.redsquirrelpress.com

"His poems have teeth and bedclothes."
- John Hegley


This is a great venue. Steve Urwin holds regular poetry slams and spoken word events here

Good Causes TV

http://goodcausetv.posterous.com/yvonne-young-talks-about-her-life-and-her-sto

Slam Winners Slam

This will be a night not to miss. Fantastic performers.

At the Jazz Cafe` last night to celebrate the first birthday of the show. It was packed and the line up was amazing as usual. I read a few old piecs and a new one, but I must get down to writing new work.


David Woods interviewed some of us from Her Story at Benwell Library. The link is
http://goodcausestv.com



Kate Fox Won the slam

The Arc

This is the first felt parrot body for The Arc project. I have the brightly coloured wings feathers cut out, but need time to fit them on. Then I`ll start on the other bugger.

Taking part in Her Story project with artists and writer Ellen Phethean at West End Library. We have made a book each, decorated with collage materials and answering questions about our lives and creative writing about objects which we brought with us. We were given a wooden mirror each to decorate and questions to answer written on fabric. I really love being involved in this. The display of finished work will be in the Grainger Market, Saturday 24th April.

I was interviewed on ne1fm last Friday and met some great people who are on the Elders Council doing good work in the community. Also recorded a grisly story for Westgate Past. A murder at Windy Nook Co-op in 1907. A fella was stealing from the butcher`s department, they set a trap by putting fresh sawdust down in the shop. Four of them lay in wait, grabbed him, hit him over the head with various sharp and blunt instruments. He still managed to kill one, wound another and escape. He was suspected and interviewed at his place of work and tried to explain all of his injuries away as having fallen, bumped into things etc, but they rounded him up and searched his flat. There were 114 pairs of shoes, Co-op butter, soap, fabric among lots more things, the meat he gave away to local people. I bet that was the only drama that Windy Nook Co-op ever saw in it`s whole lifetime.

Westerhope History Day will be held at the Old Miner`s Institute building on Hillhead Road between 10.45 and 12.45 on Wednesday 14th April. Anyone born, brought up there or lived there and has photos, they can bring them along to be scanned and added to the archive.

Called to Des`s house. He opened the door and when he saw me standing there he said "Good, I`ve got a problem." I went into his sitting room, a starling was looking down at me from the curtain pole. As I approached the window it flew to the back of the curtain. I tried to curl the fabric around the bird, but it came out at the bottom and scuttled along the floor to the other side of the room. I moved two chairs to block it in while looming over the top so it couldn`t fly out. There were a couple of cardboard boxes nearby, so I lay one on it`s side and coaxed the bird inside by buffeting a cushion in front of it. Des stood at the front door and was thrilled to see it fly away. He was 90 yesterday and I`m looking forward to his party this week. Only trouble is I`m invited to a 70th on the same day, so 7-9 then 9-11 will be the only way I can do it. Can`t miss either.

February at Pink Lane

Robbie introduces the acts




Jazz guitar




Claire Morgan and Mother






Scott Tyrell






Amanda performs


Jess and Martin looking fab at Pink Lane Performance at the Jazz Cafe`. I enjoyed taking part as one of the judges for the acts. The standard was high as usual and I struggled between Amanda Baker and Scott Tyrell, but settled to vote for Scott who won.

Jess and Martin before the show

Journeys Home

Worked on a project with Richard Bliss called Journeys Home, a mix of music, local people reading their work and poems. Maps were printed as tablecloths and a kind of mad hatter`s tea party theme was achieved with old fashioned tea cups, saucers and milk and sugar bowls, tea pots with plants inside and lovely china cake stands. Guests watched the show and were treated to cakes and tea.


VOTE FOR FIGHT CLUB (Jessica Johnson perfoming in this film)

Jameson Empire Awards 2010 | Empire | www.empireonline.com




I have ten interviews in towards my next book of local memories. Only six more people to see, record their stories and scan photos. I hate thinking up captions for the photos, my least favourite task. But I will enjoy taking photos of local traders in the area for the Working Folks section.

Still haven`t seen Avatar. Not expecting a plot according to the reviews, but couldn`t care less as it`s the animation that I`m interested in. Must see the Ian Drury film and An Education.

On the bus coming home from town today, old man gets on with a walking stick and a Boots carrier bag. He sits down takes out one can of anti perspirant and sprays it on his hand, then sniffs. Everyone at the front of the bus begins coughing. he doesn`t take the hint and pulls another fragranced smelly tin from the bag and repeat sprays over everyone. I say "Well at least it`s strong enough." he agrees, then another woman splutters "It would have been better to test it when you get off the bus!!" When it`s his stop, he gets up and walks to the front of the bus, minus stick. A young lad rushes to give him it back. The spluttering woman shouts "Why has he got a stick when he obviously doesn`t need it." People don`t half get riled up.

Become involved in a Benwell project, Noah`s Arc. We are being asked to pick a pair of animals or birds to replicate in either wool or felt. I chose parrots. Made a trip into town to buy a load of brightly coloured felt. The feathers are going to be a bugger and need to make the little bodies to fix them onto. Decided to cut the shapes out and embroider the feathery bits. I have some round shisha`s which I`ll use for eyes. Caught my eye on some polystyrene eggs in the market at 6p each, bought three, now I need to decide how to embellish them, maybe sequins?
North East Tonight is on TV, I am trying to listen to Michael Chapman talking about life on the river and encouraging people to write. I`ll have to Google it because David is rabbiting about Toyota and how "They" are really going after them, "It`s not really the brakes, cars are computerized and.......update....where you see the difference you use your brakes...wheels might be at different levels..say going over a bump...no compensating for the....ABS.....what actually happens is one wheel might be getting slightly more pressure applied....software compensates....blah...blah secret message....blah blah blah missing button. Too late I`ve missed it all and there are a couple of overweight dogs on now. They look like a pair of sea lions, names Pinky and Perky. Wouldn`t like to choose them for my two animals for the arc, would take up too much wool!!

Pink Lane Poetry & Performance

Check out the book which is in the process of publication. A range of poets and performers have submitted work to Jessica Johnson and Robbie Hurst.

Next performance evening on 15th February at Pink Lane Jazz Cafe` at 7.00p.m. £3 each entry charge and worth every minute. Best place in town.

Freddie Claw in the Garden

This claw like icicle is outside my back door. A continual drip from the roof caused the water to splash onto the bell.

Little cute robin who lives in the clematis in our garden.

Incendiary Icicles

You MIght Find the Other Half

(Lola wearing her new Xmas jumper)

D and I spent a lovely Xmas day for dinner with son G and partner E. Her mother, sister, two aunts, uncle and two cousins there too. I sound like I`m singing the countdown song, 12 days of Xmas. Spent new year with my brother and sister in law at their home in fierce competition with the karaoke machine. The results of all your duff notes are shown for all to see on screen. So, when I tell you that I had the highest score with my rendition of House of the Rising Sun, you get the picture of how shite we all were. Bat out of Hell by P with all of the actions. Luckily it was a limited selection, so Abba wasn`t allowed but I was gutted that we couldn`t get Sting with Englishman in New York or Gloria Gaynor with I Will Survive! Have watched so much crap on TV. As we`d been out a few times, D wanted to watch Omnibus Constipation Street and Ennemadale. Thank crunchie for computers!! But did get back into watching back to back episodes of Dr Who...ah..haven`t times changed when you are positively waiting for the Daleks to shreik "Exterminate" instead of hiding behind the sofa "Pretending to watch Dr Who" Well... I was only 10 when I first saw them. We set hot air balloons off in the garden, so I apologise if the police station was swamped with U.F.O alert calls, but they look so beautiful. My entry to the BBC My Story Competition is on their website. So fingers crossed. There are hundreds of applications and five of those will be considered for book deals and also they will be featured on a TV programme. The title is You Might Find the Other Half and is under the category of Discovery. http://www.bbc.co.uk/mystory/stories/discovery/168822/

The Peanuts of Agincourt and Other Stories by William Daniel McCumiskey

"I`ll be glad when it`s all in!"

Only in Newcastle would an old woman flump down with arms full of carrier bags, turn to me, a complete stranger and say

"I`ll be glad when it`s all in!"

And probably, because I was born in Newcastle, I know exactly what she means. The Christmas greed-fest is here. We are all brainwashed by advertisers to believe that we are not a true friend, mother, sister etc if we don`t lavish money and gifts to capacity on everyone we know.

As I listen to other folks on the bus, the conversation ranges from

"I hate it when you send all of your cards and then you get one from somebody who you`ve forgotten to send one to." or

"We haven`t got the tree out yet, have you?" or

"I`m just giving them all vouchers this year." or

"I`m not wasting so much food this year."

There`s something good about people chatting to eachother about nothing in particular, the holidays are nearly here. But, as I listen to all of this, I am aware that I haven`t got my tree up yet, there is a box in the kitchen with cards, I can`t remember their surname, address, partners name etc. and I will probably buy too much food.

Went to a 60`s night at Central Library, I love the whole regurgitating of memories indulgence. When mam bought one of those red tomato shaped sauce bottles with the green stalk bit where the sauce came out, spinning top fag ash tins, Scholl sandals, cider, Emergency Ward Ten. Going to the Majestic with a pal. We liked perfume by Picot,she wore Pagan and I preferred Suede. In a hurry to get to the dance floor, rooting around in her bag, finding the bottle, she slashed her perfume around her neck only to discover that it was her black eye liner. Working as a telephonist for G.P.O Telephones. On directory enquiries, I answered a query with

"I`m sorry sir, we don`t have a W Robinson for that address.Are you sure that the initial is W for William?"

The caller replied

"No, it`s W for Wobert."

More seasoned operators were well used to the nuisance calls and dealt with them accordingly. We learned alot from these women.

Caller "My willy is 9 inches long."
Operator "Is that all? I`ve left a bigger one at home."

Caller "What colour are your knickers?"
Operator "I`m not wearing any."

The best laugh I had working there was when a man asked for a reversed charge call to Edmundbyers. I asked the lady at the other end

Me "I have a call from Edmundbyers, will you accept the charge?"

Lady "Yes."

Man "Hello."

Lady "Hello Edmund."

Man "You stupid cow, that`s the village I`m calling from."

Memories are made of this.



"

Lorna Windham (BBC My Story)

The Reds Music

As I Wander in Peaceful Thought by Stephen Leonard

As I Wander In Peaceful Thought

by Stephen Leonard





The poems in this book have a variety of different themes from Philosophy, Nature, a comment on Able Bodied Peoples attitude to the plight of the Disabled, an exercise in Form, an exercise in rhyme, imagination, Alliteration and a Haiku.






Stephen Leonard was born in 1951 with Cerebral Palsy. He has been writing poetry for many years and this is his first published collection. All of the poems are accompanied by illustrations. All proceeds of the book go to charity.




The book is being launched at the Disability Support Group North East, Bodlewell House, High Street East, Sunderland. Wednesday, 2nd December at 2 o'clock.

Geordie Night/Barn Dance

This is one night not to be missed. Gary Hogg, author and performer is back with his band.

Geordie Night/Barn Dance
Songs, music, recitations and dancing

7.30pm, Thursday 17th December, Terrace Club, Seaton Delaval.

With Johnny Handle & Tom McConville
Bandleader -Robert Whitehead with Dave Ashbridge, Colin Pearson, Gary Hogg, Lucy Falkenau - and Peter Desmond calling the dances.

Tickets £6 from me (01670 361953)
Tickets will be available online from Monday at www.garyhogg.co.uk

Strictly Tickets Only - no admission on the night.

All of a Tangle

Can`t believe some of the things I`ve seen on T.V. this week, someone paid £38 for a slice of Andrew and Fergie`s wedding cake on Flog It, a person attempted to smuggle 1,000 spiders through airport control, pity the poor sod who opened the case!!

The Benwell Reunion was brilliant. As I took over from Husband D`s cousin L, I decided to ask everyone to bring one item of food with them so that we could share. Wasn`t expecting much, but put two trellis tables out, we needed three. Also lots of people donated raffle prizes. We have enough money to pay for hiring the Fire Station again next year and for some costumes and hats. Must have Halloween next year again, loved some of the spooky dresses.

Saw Carol Ann Duffy in the King`s Hall, love her writing, my favourite is Last Post. I haven`t written poems for ages,but very interested in the Journey`s Home project. Also have been really busy with recording memories and scanning photos for my next book on Elswick.

On Friday November 6th I was invited to the official opening of the new Central Library.The Queen and Duke of Edinburgh did the honours. She is a very warm and playful person, she put us at our ease, even when we all bobbed at different beats, we looked like a set of those Fisher Price wooden people that kids bat with a hammer. She asked us about the book we were reading. There were musicians who played Water of Tyne and a group of singers who sounded lovely. The buffet was fab and we all had a couple of glasses of wine.

My book is fresh off the press and available in Fenwick, Discovery Museum, Robinson`s in Grainger Market, Mr Brandrres Newsagents and Benwell Post Office. Sales are going well. The launch was well attended at the Carnegie Building and I was well chuffed that Des Walton spoke about local history and his involvement with the West Newcastle Picture History Group.

Spent the morning at St James Church Hall, I love this building and although I`m not religious I believe that we should help to preserve our heritage. We covered the walls in the hall with white paper, hung fabrics and cut holly from the graveyard for decoration. Next week we will put on crafts sessions, slide shows and food. Hope it attracts some folks.

Went to the knitting club at the Tyneside Cinema, haven`t been for a while. I still have a baby jumper on the needles. There are no babies to knit for, but I didn`t want to sicken myself too early by attempting an adult version. However, once I got up to decreasing at the armhole, I couldn`t concentrate. After a couple of wines and good conversation I was dropping stitches. So this time I am knitting a scarf, nothing simpler, going back and forwards with nothing mathematical involved. I did buy one of those dolly bobbins with four nails on the top which, in theory, your supposed to wond wool around, pull the loops over and a cord of knitting appears through the hole at the bottom. I couldn`t get to first base as husband D took it from me.

D "I know how to do this."
(Pal Irene called around and tried to take it from him.)
I "Give it here, you`re pulling it too tight"
D "No I`m not,give ower."
I "Look, what did I tell you...he`s snapped the stick!!"
(D had clipped the point from the wooden tool)
I "Piss off and give it here, Y, have you got a cocktail stick?"
(D beats her to it to fetch a cocktail stick and snaps that too)
I "Bloody useless!"

We all have a try, but it is pulled out half a dozen times and we all give up. Nancy rings and I tell her about our efforts.

N "Meet me tomorrow outside the Fairholm Club and I`ll take you to Benwell Hall crafts group.

I learn how to do the peg knitting and someone else shows me how to crochet, I leave with a ball of green wool and a wonky square. It`s a start. For twenty pence I get a cup of tea, a piece of fruit cake and a shortbread biscuit.

Back home Irene calls round again and I show her my crochet square, minus a hook, which I had borrowed at the club. She tells D

I "Right, you give me a lift round home and I`ll give you a crochet hook."
I pick the hook up ready to continue with my masterpiece and promptly drop it between the cushions of the chair. As they are not removable cushions, it`s gone forever, right into the bowels of the chair. Well I tried!!!!

Parrot Power

After two weeks of the horrible lurgy cold which every other person I speak to is suffering from, I`m at last feeling a little more human again. Our parrot has copied my guffawing sounds, but it`s not my fault that he is now asking "Where are the controls?" I can`t take the blame for that as I hardly watch TV, except for Mock the Week and a couple of other favourites. D will watch anything, gets withdrawal symptoms if there is nothing on he likes and will trawl up and down the channels until he does find something and if I suggest maybe just turning the set off he just about takes to his bed.

I`ve managed to fill in an application form for a new job, did my first slide show for around 200 people, a puppet show and drawing activities with a group of kids at the library. Going to be involved in a project by Richard Bliss called Journeys Home which will result in a short film to be screened in the old Miner`s Institute building in town. It will be a mix of poems, stories, singing and music. Also Tyneside Associated Drama are staging a short film, I`m probably chosing to do a monologue for that.



I`m quite keen on writing monologues at the moment and poetry has been given the elbow for the time being. But my obsession with writing books, note pads and stickits is driving me mad. I have so many things on the go at the moment and trying to put them in order is a nightmare. Went into Stationery Box and noticed 5 folders, buy one pack get one free. So now I have 10 more folders which I have split various writing projects into. Now I find myself scratting around for one and wading through all of this crap to find the one I need. I watched Sky Arts, The Book Show, an author who was ambling through her 17th century home which looked out onto a stream and ancient trees. She wandered into her study which was got up with wall height book cases, computer desk fitted around two walls and LOADS OF SPACE. However in my rabbit hutch house I have things stuffed under a coffee table and dozens of those jute bags stuffed to capapcity. I`m going mad. It doesn`t help that eldest son G has moved house, but left bags of stuff and a wardrobe full of clothing that he "hasn`t got space for." so he craps our gaff up.

This morning, as I was feeling a little better, I gathered all of G`s stuff up into bin liners and intend dropping them off at his place before the weekend. I have a Benwell reunion this Saturday to go to and friend K is here from Suffolk and will be staying with us. P & B are home too and will be at ours also. G has left a home fitness contraption with weights on the back in our spare room and has promised to take it away, but it doesn`t look like it`s going anywhere fast either!!

Halloween falls on the reunion this year so I have white table cloths to put out with black lace over the top, spookily decorated paper plates and bowls, a couple of green bowls with spider motifs etc. I`ve laminated lots of old photos and scenes from the old area where we were brought up. I`ll get down to the venue earlier to put them on the walls. Some people are getting dressed up, so needless to say I`ll be there with the camera. Watch this space.

Benwell Remembered

A two page spread in the Evening Chronicle for my book. Photos of the old buildings, Victory Tea Party, Clara Street, Jimmy Forsyth and Peace Tea. I`m really pleased with the way it has been done. They mentioned our Benwell Reunion, so hopefully we`ll see more old faces. Both me and Andrew, the publisher have been busy dishing out fliers to promote the launch.

D came in from work and settled down in the chair to read the Chronicle. He kicked his shoes off to relax. Chico was duck toeing around the floor and pecked his big toe. D nearly jumped out of his skin. Usually if Chico is being destructive we shout Hey. So he drops himself in each time he has a go at the curtains he`s chirping Hey, hey, so we know that he`s up to something. Is he learning something else?

D watches Britains Best Dish where cooks compete for best starter, main course and pudding. Jilly Goolden says that she is anyones for a square of chocolate.

D "I`d rather have the chocolate!"

I have a streaming cold and have three meetings lined up with a possible chance of a job. Dozing myself up with endless glasses of water, hot lemon and honey, overdozing on pastilles that taste like creosote. I`m anyone`s who can find a cure for the common cold.

Jessica Johnson (Director/Actor)

National Poetry Day (Week)

Gerard Rudolph read from his new book Orphaned Latitudes to a packed crowd at Gallery North at University of Northumbria. He was supported by other fine poets. His work is able to conjure up the images of the places he speaks of. Published by Squirrel Press "This is a mature and complex autobiographical work full of music, movement and with a flawless sense of sound and drama." His wife looked stunning. Everything was great, but I heard that some random woman berated him for the use of one word Fuck, in the text. Get a life, didn`t you listen to the beautiful words, didn`t you listen to anything else? It`s fortunate that we can disregard the opinions of those that matter little to us. But all the same, to spoil a fabulous night is so uncalled for.

Just joined Tyneside Associated Drama Group. I think I`ll receive support and inspiration here. It`s going to be really informal and will meet every week at 2.00 which suits me fine as I`ll still be able to work in the photo group.

Managed to get a ticket to see the fabulously funny Craig Bradley. I`ve seen him before taking a group of kids for rap sessions when I`ve been in Benwell Library. He usually does workshops with primary aged children. But a group of adults had the good fortune to listen to him. He`s big on audience participation which had us in stitches. And don`t think that if you sit at the back you`ll be exempt. I had to buy the book Dancin George, hilarious.

Pink Lane held another fabulous event, Heroes and Heroines on Thursday 8th October for National Poetry Day. I read a short story and two poems. Ira Lightman (aka Peter Cook reincarnated) was amazing as usual. Props were a computer and perspex umbrella accompanied by his resonant words. Viv Wiggins gets better each time I hear her and she really got into the theme by dressing as Wonderwoman. Catherine Graham and Degna Stone performed great sets. Richard Hardwick read another great set with music from Simon on his hang drum supporting the words.





Also went to the book launch of Martin Bell. He spoke of Iraq, Afghanistan and the scandal of politicians dipping into the coffers. He wore his trademark white suit. The place was packed, he can certainly entertain, he should be on Live at the Apollo.

Fred and I went to a local school to give out some local history packs that have been compiled especially for schools. So only 26 left to go. Fred spoke for 5 minutes to the assembly on the buildings in the area and their history and I spoke of my memories from school.

On Saturday attended a meeting,at St Mary`s Heritage Centre in Gateshead.

"To look at key challenges for promoting and supporting spoken word and live literature in the region."

Spoken Word Forum co-ordinated by Claire Morgan of Apples and Snakes and Monkfish Productions.Jeff Price represented Ten by Ten, Robbie Hurst for Pink Lane, Sheila Naughton from City Libraries and Christine from the Arts Council. There were other supporters who are keen to suggest ideas to support performers in the northern region by offering venues, equipment loan and advertising.
Claire will keep us posted.

And so ends a very productive National Poetry Day and Week.

It`s My Life (Tyne Bridge Publishing)

Around ten months ago I noticed an ad in a local paper. To commemorate the opening of the new library in town, they were asking for memories of the 60`s. I sent in a piece of around 500 words, then thought no more about it. I was chuffed to receive an e mail invitation to the launch event which began with the words "Dear Contributor." The book is very well put together and a thoroughly good read.

I really enjoyed the Tyne Bridge Publishing book launch of "It`s My Life." Guest speakers and contributors, John Steel from The Animals (The first record I bought was House of the Rising Sun) and Ray Laidlaw from Lindisfarne. They both gave amusing accounts of their bands and the times. A constant slide show of images from the book and popular music played, there was wine, olives and nibbles. I met some great people and caught up with others, Annie Moir was there. She has had success with her poetry book Prague Soup.






Had a great night at the Lamplight Centre at Stanley. Steve Urwin organises spoken word events and slams here. A really good mix of styles in a friendly and supportive atmosphere. Will be going here again.

I`m going off on one, sorry!! Regarding shit shuvelers!

Last week I looked out from my window to see a couple with a dog.They were meandering around the field in front of my house. She had a carrier bag in her hand. Pretending that she was a considerate pet owner. She watched her shit machine crap on the grass, did a couple of corkscrew movements to check that no one was watching, then walked off with her unused carrier bag!!

Today, on my way to the bus stop I walked past a dog dropping all neatly tied up in an orange nappy sack. Is this pet owner any better than the first. Actually picking it up, again pretending to give a shit about their environment, then "Oh, oops, I`ve dropped it by MISTAKE. Ah well, I didn`t really have any intentions of putting it in my own wheely bin." So, now, some poor sod on his way home from the pub will go his length on a plastic covered plod. But, am I any better.....I should have shouted at the first couple? Or should I have been a responsible, green, environmentally friendly citizen and put it in my own bin? Sorry about that, but now that`s done, back to civilised conversing.


Thursday at 6.00 p.m. at Central Library, Craig Bradley (That Poetry Bloke) will be entertaining to celebrate National Poetry Day. Then I`ll be dashing down to the Jazz Cafe` for Pink Lane Performance. I`m reading a couple of poems and a short, short story.

Pink Lane Performance at the Jazz Cafe` on Thursday 8th, great place to be.

Benwell Remembered

I`m well chuffed with the cover of my book. The launch will be on Monday 2nd November at the old Carnegie Building on Atkinson Road at 11.00 a.m.

Spider in the Bath

The guided tour bus event went well. I took three tours around Benwell, Elswick and Scotswood Road. Had them all singing the Blaydon Races and peppered the talk with comic accounts in with the factual stuff. Back at the centre they had all Marksies food and wine, storytelling by the great Chris Bostock and I read a few of my dialect poems, it was a brilliant day. There were Wii games for the kids, bouncy castle and face painting. Reminded me of the old playscheme days I used to run with pal Irene.

I know that I did say I wouldn`t be going to the vintage car show, but I went anyway. It was ok at first, some really beautiful old cars and lots of buses. On the second time around I noticed half a dozen men drooling over some curver boxes full of photographs of old buses. "Ooooo, look at this one...I`m having this." I wanted to shout out "GO AWAY AND DO SOMETHING ELSE!!" There were stands holding cd`s of buses, stands with DVD`s of buses, bus annuals, busmen`s ticket machines and toy dinky buses. As I looked around me I was beginning to fear that I had wandered into the pen of the Village of the Damned...Buses" I continually overheard snippets of conversations about crank shafts and fly wheels and how they had stripped the car down and built it back up again, why please? Wanted to scream HELP ME when D stopped to listen to how some bloke or other had trawled their contraptions over half of Europe, no doubt at 20 miles per hour. There were no seats anywhere for me to opt out. On our sixth trawl, I finally snapped

Y "Right, I`ve had enough are we going now?"
D "Aye, that`s it, just when I`m enjoying myself. I have to go to places that I can`t stand with you, like art galleries and museums."
Y "Yes, and you tell me "Right, that`s it I`ve had enough of fossily places. I can look at a painting, and pass on to the next, why are you going around and around, can`t you see enough on the first lap?"
D "Well, not really, I`m thinking of buying one."

We did finally get to eat our sandwiches and have a coffee from the flask near the sea.

Decided to go for a run into Durham the next day. On the way down the motorway we passed the exit. When I asked why, D said that we probably wouldn`t get a parking space in there so we`d be better off going further down. Darlington. On the way there he spies a vintage car company which just happened to have a 1924 Singer for sale on the forecourt.

Y "You planned this didn`t you?"
D "No, honest."

We make it to Darlington, haven`t been here for years, but it really is a nice little town, love some of the old buildings. Needless to say D wanted to call at this vintage place again on the way back...and did buy it. The owner offered to deliver it by trailer. It is a lovely motor, I found myself more interested in the folder that came with it listing the history of previous owners. A friend rang me

Y "You`ll never guess what he`s got now...a vintage car."
I (Shouts through to husband M "D`s got a vintage car."
Y "And do you know where he is now....away to the shop for polish."

There has been a resident spider in our bathroom for a week or so. I don`t really like them, but as he only had 5 and a half legs I took pity on him. I just had to make sure I knew where he was, in case of being stuck on the toilet to find he was right near me and I couldn`t run away. Mostly he has been swinging around near the ceiling. This morning he was in the bath, as I wanted to take a shower I sought out my spider catcher, didn`t want to boil him alive. But, as I placed the pyramid shaped contraption over him, then slid the door along, he took a tumble and was wedged in the door. He still wriggled about as I transferred him to the windowsill. Then he sort of crumpled up. At first I thought he was playing dead. I left the house at 8.30 and returned at 3.15, he was still there, so I can say that he is dead. Felt really guilty. Spider murderer. We have some really huge buggers that scuttle in from the field, so big you can see the hairs on their legs. They have no trouble in the catcher, so big there is nowhere to fall. It`s good for me that I don`t believe in reincarnation, It could have been my great grandfather that I squished?

Go As You Please

Love this shop display, this is something that really appeals to me, I`d have pictures of Benwell in the 50`s all over mine. Just like the owld buildings I`d be dust.


Small Faces, what a blast from the past.




I was fifteen when this group were about, we all went to see them at the Majestic which later became a Bingo Hall. Just as well really, I remember people used to chuck chairs from the balcony onto the dance floor. Happy days, no drugs, just violence. There were purple hearts, but we never took them, we`d heard of people who did, imagined that they were Batman and "flew" out of the window. One lad hid in the corner thinking he was food, scared to move in case anyone ate him, how sad is that.


Just completed seven pages of text to go with the local history bus tour I`m speaking on. It will be great practise for me and has been interesting to learn more about the area.

D is going to a vintage car rally tomorrow at Seaburn. Don`t think I`ll go, it`s not long since we went to one at Beamish.

Was at the Let`s all laugh at the BNP on Friday at the Cluny, it was a great show, and the acts were brilliant.

Egypt Cottage is about to close along with Tyne Tees Tv, it seems ages ago since my brother worked in the TV building as a graphic designer, he can`t believe that it is being pulled down. We called in there for a drink late on Friday and met some great people. The owner is now looking for new premises.

1st Episode of Yogi Bear Show

I remember this show so well, first went out in 1961, I was nine years old. After watching, all I ever drew for months were Yogi bears in all different sizes, poses colours. Then when my kids were growing up, it was Button Moon, Trap Door and Grot Bags. How time flies, I wonder what my grand children will watch, when I get grand children.

Dreams can come True

In all the time we`ve been together,38 years, I can say that my husband has never once said to me "Last night I dreamt that........" So when, at breakfast he started his sentence with these words, my mouth dropped. It was the equivalent to someone walking in with flowers after 38 years of never having bought any. I was all ears.

D " I dreamt that I had a bear suit, it was really tatty. I took it to an antique shop and the owner said "What a fine suit, it`s just what we are looking for, I`ll give you £600. He turned it inside out and it was a lovely golden colour. I said that it didn`t belong to me really and that I would have to ask my brother if he would sell. So, I left the suit with the man and went all around town shouting for my Brother (He hasn`t a brother as a point of interest) But I couldn`t find him, then I noticed that it was nearly five o`clock, the shop would be shutting and I might not get the suit back. Just then, the alarm went off so I got up to get ready for work."

Roughly translated I would say that as our son has moved out D is wondering if he has done off with any of our possessions. Son G had a habit of rifling through things in the loft when he was at home, then selling his brother`s things on e-bay. I also asked around my friends if their husbands ever told them of dreams,only one could claim yes.

We invited G and E round for Sunday lunch.

G "What are you cooking?"
D "Beef"
G "Can you get duck as well, it would be nice?"
D "I daresay it would, but I`ve already paid £15 for beef, so no chance."

D came home after work, I was out, a spicy aroma was in the air, so he looked in the pedal bin. There were two Thai curry boxes in there, one was melted beyond recognition. We received a phone call from G

G "Have you been buying a new microwave?"
D "Yes, the old one packed in. By the way were you round here eating Thai curry?"
G "Yes, and I didn`t know how to use the new microwave, it melted the first meal, so I had to put another one in there."
D "Correct me if I`m wrong, but didn`t you move out?"
G "You`ll have to show me how to set it when I next call around."
D "Not unless you`re planning to cook us anything in it!"

D said that G reminds him of Shirley Valentine`s daughter.

Came back from town about 6ish, two blokes walking towards me to board the bus, talking about Man United, as they passed they damned near burned the back of my throat with the whiff of their after shave.

D was rubbing his leg

D "I had a trapped nerve and it went solid."
Y "You`re supposed to stand on your tip toes, it helps."
D "I tried that and it didn`t work."
Y "You should try giving birth, when contractions start the stomach hardens like concrete."

It all seems so long ago, my kids are 30 and 32 now.

Left work on Friday,went to the Corner House for a meal and a drink at the end of the shift. They nominated me to order the meals, saying that it would be my last task. I wrote down the order on a piece of paper. When I came back, they were all wearing turbans, in honour of Florrie, the character I use when working on memory sessions and for certain entertainment venues. Really going to miss the lasses, but at last I`ll have more time to write, take photos and become more involved with the heritage department of the library. Never thought I`d see the day, kids flown the coup and me with time on my hands, ahh, this has got to be a dream come true and not a bear in sight.

What a difference six days make

Des Walton has created a scrapbook of Jimmy Forsyth press cuttings. At 89, he is still very much involved in the history of Jimmy on Tyneside. He loaned me a brilliant video No Fancy Shades which shows how Jimmy wandered around the Elswick, Scotswood area from 1954 taking photos with a box Brownie camera.

On Wednesday son G moved into his new home with girlfriend E,ahhhhhhhhhh. However, I woke up on numerous occasions on Wed night, on my way to the bathroom glancing in the direction of the empty room. Must admit, It did feel strange not to have him at home. I`d developed a habit of looking at the foot of the stairs where he always kicked his shoes off, then I knew he was in safe. On Thursday on our way home from work, a call from G on the mobile

"Dad, can you call around with your lawn mower?"

On Friday we turned the corner of our back street and I said to D

"Isn`t it strange that his car isn`t there?"

BUT, when I entered the house with a couple of shopping bags, there was G lounging on the sofa watching an episode of Friends.

Me "What are you doing here?"

G. "E is having a girls night in with a pizza and some wine so she dropped me off here so that I can go to the pub with the lads.......oh, you`ve been shopping, have you got any of that chocolate with the nuts in?"

Spent Sunday arranging ourselves around the place to utilise all of the extra wardrobe, cupboard, bathroom cabinet space and I`ve also noticed how clean the bathroom is staying. It`s only six days in from him leaving and already I`ve noticed how little there is in the washing basket. This is going to be great.

I Love the Orange advert, those funny little animated things are hilarious, one doing the moonwalk and a spring legged being. Also love the Old Speckled Hen ads, that bloke dressed as a moose dancing with his hooves mincing around is a hoot.

Went out today at 8.30 with two heavy bags and an umbrella raised as it was belting down. Halfway through the day, a thought popped into my head "I can`t remember struggling to lock the back door, did I lock the back door, I don`t think I did because the Clematis is growing wildly around the door and I can`t recall swiffing it aside?"

All the way home, I imagined our stuff being strewn all over the place, not being able to claim on the insurance and being nagged to death, but most of all, I worried that Chico would have been taken. I need not have worried, I had locked the door, but I think it may be time to start writing little notes or talking to myself before I leave the house "Have you turned off the....locked the......... etc.

Also thought that I was rich the other day, found a 20p piece without the date on, I`d heard of folks claiming up to £70,000 on ebay, but it was a new coin, there`s a kind of smooth half with no markings, but the date is on the other side. Shucks.

Watching Sky Arts,Helen Chadwick had created the Piss Flowers, she and her partner literally made piss holes in the snow (as kids, we used this phrase to describe someone with piggy eyes)She created the deep hole and her partner made a sprinkling corolla. Plaster was poured inside. The works were displayed on daisy shaped plinths. Some of her other efforts included melting tons of chocolate buttons into a huge vat with a fountain in the middle. They were mixing it up with a spade, there were 25 kilos in per hour. I think it had something to do with making mud pies as a child.

Well, now there are no children left in our house, we have become empty nesters........so the next question has got to be "When will we become grandparents?" Somehow I think it will be quite a while before this happens, but that`s ok, I`m going to be busy busy when I leave work at the end of this month.

The Shadow of a Smile

(Photo from The Guardian)
Fabulous fella Bobby Robson has passed away, so dignified and what a character, just goes to show the measure of the man, at a friendly match in his honour the week before his death. A true battler who was loved by the Geordie nation. Bob, draped in a fancy black and white scarf, hat at a jaunty angle and smiling as ever, people are going to remember that smile.


I defy anyone to visit Poundland then only spend a pound! I bought two mugs, yeah I know, what a mug, but one was for me, The Bash Street Kids and the other Coronation Street (Constipation Street) for my husband. Noticed a David Cameron book alongside a Katie Price biography, which didn`t surprise me, but to see Michael Palin`s Himalaya with them was uncalled for, love the bloke, especially Ripping Yarns. While in the queue, two women walked past with a Katie book each. I was tempted to buy Michael`s, but as I handed my notice in at work this week,thought better of it, but I`ll be in town on Tuesday, so if there are any left......!

Yes, in a couple of weeks, I`ll be free to write,compute and best of all to spread myself out around the house once my eldest son G has moved in with his girlfriend E. There has been a constant toaster, towels,kettle procession scuttling back and forwards to the car today and it`s great to see all of the boxes disappearing from the top of the stairs. I`m looking around for anything that I can palm off to them, saves me a trip to the tip, a massive umbrella plant which is scaling the ceiling has been accepted. Next on the list will be any owld bedding, glasses, cups etc.

I usually open the top of the cage for Chico to get out, he then climbs down to the front door and opens it with his beak. Yesterday, we noticed that he was spending a fair bit of time hanging around the area outside his water dish. Didn`t give it a thought until this morning, I took the cover off his cage, but didn`t open the door, he pushed on his dish and that door opened. The sly little sod had opened it the night before leaving it shut to ready for his escape. Fortunate for us his ploy was foiled, otherwise we could have come back home to chewed furniture. He has already pecked the back of my swivel chair, pedal bin, holes in the curtains, book covers etc. African Greys are lovely birds but very naughty and destructive.

We have some bamboo posts in our shed, D has threatened to make an arrangement in our garden with them for about five years. Sister in law A visited today and asked for one. I opened the door and she launched herself in there over mower, chairs,shelving and every other bugger of things. Then, she screamed jumping from foot to foot, I yelled in unison thinking it was a spider, but no, a mouse, well that`s alright then. I gathered that they were in there when I climbed in a couple of weeks ago to retrieve the sun lounger to find a gaping gnawed hole in it and bits of chewed sponge all over the deck.

I have a fabulous spider catcher contraption, it is a see through pyramid shape at the end of a long stick, it needs to be long as I won`t go anywhere near them. Once the pyramid has trapped Incy inside I use my foot to slide the door along ready to drop him far away at the top of the garden, but the little bastards still keep getting in. When our Bull Terrier Bullseye was here, he used to enjoy eating them, they were easy to see on light laminate flooring. I wonder if I could train Chico to eat them, perhaps not.

Protests, Parades and Poetry

Stumbled on a website with ideas to encourage weightloss....they ask the members to nominate a charity with whose views they disagree to receive the money should they fail. They work on the theory that it`s an incentive to get people motivated. They dangle the carrot with suggestions, how about global warming, abortion or gay marriage? How sensitive of them.

Just watched In Bruges, not usually keen on Colin Farrell, but I thoroughly enjoyed this film, nowt like black humour.

Passed two blokes, the first greeted his pal with

Blokie 1 "By, you`ve lost a lot of weight lad."
Blokie 2 "Aye, aa`ve been too near the bacon slicer."

Are there any clear guidelines on swine flu, apart from "Just stay at home." Why do I suspect that someone has made a medicines deal and needs to sell stockpiled tablets for, say, American drugs companies? Are wars started to sell weapons, probably, did the Americans film the moon landing near Las Vegas? There are so many conspiracy theories around, some of them very believable and their success depends on scaring us. Lately, I feel guilty when I need to cough, do people think I`ve got swine flu? Well done on causing mass neurosis. Wash your hands, cover your mouth when you cough they tell us...of course, a splash of Domest-arse will kill all germs. I still laugh to recall the advice we were given when the threat of nuclear attack was feared, we would all be ok if we hid under a door, yeah, right, we have three minutes to run around for a screwdriver, take the door off it`s hinges, then a family of four will fit nicely under there. What we have all learned by such lies and nonsensical statements is that we are on our own.

Making my way through town on Saturday,on my way to a poetry event, lots of rights groups parading through the streets, some fabulous costumes and banners. Six of us read in turn at the Oxfam book shop in town on, it was a really good day, people wandered in and out, listened for a while, chose a book and moved on. We also read from Hope Filled Seeds, a compilation of poems in support of Oxfam.
Also spurred me on to make a resolution, sort out books that I have read to donate.....of course this didn`t last long, an hour in Oxfam and I bought four from the shop!!!! I think that I need help, maybe I should search for a website to wean me off spending on books, but, if it goes to a good cause, I`m in.